


Otherworld

by RedheadShenanigans



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angels, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Castiel (Supernatural), Awkward Flirting, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Bottom Dean, Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Canon-Typical Violence, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Cute, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Comfort/Angst, Confused Castiel, Confused Dean Winchester, Confused Sam Winchester, Dean after Michael, Dean flirting with Cas, Declarations Of Love, Destiel Smut Brigade, Domestic Fluff, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Falling In Love, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Fucking, Gay Sex, Hot Sex, Hot Tub Sex, Humor, Kidnapping, Kissing, Love, Love Confessions, Lust, M/M, Marriage, Multi, POV Dean Winchester, Post-Season/Series 13, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bobby Singer, Protective Castiel, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Sarcasm, Season/Series 14, Semi-Public Sex, Sensuality, Sex, Shameless Smut, Smut, Swearing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Castiel, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Top Dean Winchester, True Love, Violence, Weird Plot Shit, Weirdness, dean supporting cas, kidnapped Jack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-10 22:49:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15301761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedheadShenanigans/pseuds/RedheadShenanigans
Summary: Ever wondered what would happen if Canon Dean met Destiel? Wonder no more...When Dean and Cas hit Otherworld with a bang, it begins a descent into crazy town.Oh yeah, this is going to be a mind fuck of the epic kind...This universe is like theirs but so not.They're pretty sure Jack has been kidnapped. His 'Baby', well he can't talk about that, it's just too horrible. Old friends are back, new enemies are made. Emotional fuckery is dumped by the ton, how is Dean supposed to deal with this shit? What is worse...Cas is keeping a secret. A long-held secret. Dean was raised from hell, but what happened down there and why is it so important? The revelation could destroy everything.It's funny, it's sad' it's emotionally traumatic, there is angst and fluff and declarations of love and discovery and AU and Canon and smut ...everything really.Check tags for warnings.





	1. "Must be Thursday."

Locked inside his mind with Michael behind the wheel…

The torture of choice? Emotional destruction and Dean was helpless to stop it.

On tonight’s menu of horrors; Cas.

Michael was in a room with the Angel, revealing Dean’s secrets... exposing him. His innermost thoughts and feelings were set free into the world. His control, torn away and he fell to his knees, screaming. That’s how Michael worked, he brutalised using words; using secrets.

The scene turned and Dean fell into a coma, trapped again. This time in a deep and solid sleep that he couldn't wake from... He paced around the bunker, once a home, now a prison. It was a vast and endless maze, so lost and alone. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat...

The nightmare gripped him as he struggled to break free, it tried to overwhelm him but Dean won and gasped to the surface.

He woke in a cold sweat, his heart beating frantically in his chest. Haunted by the torrent of emotions, he trembled, the hair bristling on his arms. The sheets were on the floor, thrown there sometime in the night and as the air caressed bare skin he shivered. Panting and quivering, he lay prone on his bed, naked as the day he was born.  
The nightmares were less intense now than in the beginning. They were less frequent, less vivid but sometimes they took hold and he woke alone, in the dark, trembling.

A knock on the door brought him crashing back to reality. He groaned, both annoyed and relieved at the distraction.

"Dean, you awake?"

It was more of an order than a question from his brother.

"Yeah, give me a second?" he replied, sleep muffled the reply.

"Cas is back, he has something to tell us."

Dean scrubbed a hand over his face then stretched and something wrenched in his back. "Sure, be right there." He grimaced.

Staring at the ceiling had become a hobby of his and this morning was no different. He studied the paint and the cracks as if they held the secrets of the universe. The deep breaths helped as he prepared to enter the world. The internal argument always started with, ‘but I don't want to' then moved on to ‘stop being a pansy and get the fuck up’.  
Dean rolled out of bed, groaned and cursed as he tripped over the rumpled bedding. Steadying himself on the desk he fought nausea that tried to overcome him. 

It took a while before he found clothes which were...clean. He hated doing laundry and it had irked him before the thing with Michael. Now it was worse, it was something he actively avoided. He’d almost enjoyed the cleaning before all this, and had kept his room spotless. It made him feel in control. Sam had even called him compulsive but now he just... didn't care. He should, he knew that but...he couldn't. Cas had taken to cleaning up after him so obviously, he felt like shit. The guilt rose, sticking like emotional slime. Each time he promised to do it, well, he didn't... couldn't. The piles of clothes on his bedroom floor were evidence of the neglect and he knew that Cas would come in and fix it.  
‘Yep, like shit,’ he chastised himself.

Unlike Sam, Cas knew how broken Dean was on the inside, how much even breathing took from him. He needed a distraction, a big one. Searching for Jack had helped but until there was something to do he was mostly killing time. Dean stared at the mess then shoved the guilt as far down as it would go. Which, not so shockingly, wasn’t as far as he would’ve liked.

His mind pushed a memory forwards and he fought it. Michael's coordinated wardrobe, the immaculate almost military way he presented himself. Dean shuddered. Yeah, maybe that had something to do with it. Pressing his palm into his eye socket he panted out a soft sob. ‘Come on Dean’, he scolded himself again, ‘Man the fuck up.’ Feeling helplessness and hating it, he sighed and then bent down to drag on last night's jeans and a black T-shirt from the floor. It hurt, he must have torn something. Thrashing about in your sleep would do that. Jesus, it hurt. Once upright he padded barefoot through the bunker, towards the kitchen. He left the light in the hallway off, with this kind of hangover the light always made it worse.

His mind wandered to Sam as he walked. His brother had tried everything to get Dean back to normal, to get him to care. So had his Mom. Mary refused to enable him and scolded Cas regularly for it. Sam meanwhile had resorted to childish comments in an attempt to get him to change. Every day he would say he was gross for not washing and cleaning. Dean smiled at his brothers' attempts. If Sam could really understand...

‘I don’t care what Sam thinks.’ the thought fitted into his mind. Lying to himself was also a thing he did now. The slow ache behind his ribs flared up reminding him that he did care what Sammy thought. He was just letting everyone down right now, but he couldn't find the will to change.

Smirking at the internal monologue he cringed soon after, his head throbbing. Trying to erase the hangover by rubbing his temples didn't help either. To top it all off, his mouth tasted like ‘furry ass’ and the only thing that was going to help was coffee. He wanted to feel normal again and promised himself any day now, he’d wake up and feel better but it hadn’t happened yet.

Hobbling because of his back, the walk to the kitchen was slow. Dean tried to stretch it out and it helped a little but the tension was still there between his shoulders. Waves of nausea assaulted him again and he regretted the whiskey, okay the second bottle. Last night's ‘one man party’, eh...one man/ one woman party he corrected, had ended with his head in a toilet. ‘Classy Dean, so Classy’, he rolled his eyes and groaned.  
Drinking helped with the nightmares, but even that wasn’t cutting it anymore. Neither was the sex. The only thing that helped was Cas. It was another awkward and admittedly, a painful thing he ignored.

The memory came in a flash, how he had freed himself from Michael. It had cost him, broken something in him to rip free. The regression into his own mind was something none of them had seen coming but it rode in like a tsunami. The nightmares came first followed by the delusions. Then finally the static coma which he couldn't wake from. His brother and his Mom, they had been willing to do anything. Cas had gone on a rampage trying to find answers.

Sam had taken to the internet, searching for anything that would help. Finally, psychology suggested an answer in physical contact. It seemed so simple, too simple but they’d tried everything else. So, one day, Sam crawled onto the bed with a still and silent Dean to hold his hand. It didn’t help yet Mary tried as well and nothing. So, they dismissed it as a failed experiment.

The silent coma was the most terrifying, that’s what they’d told him... Sometimes they would wonder if he was dead. Sometimes he screamed and writhed. They were terrified. Constantly preparing themselves for the day he would be silent forever. One night Cas couldn't watch Dean shudder and cry any more and went to him. He felt the pull, the need, the anguish and couldn't ignore it. The angel removed his trench coat and crawled across the damp sweat-soaked sheets. Sliding himself down into the pillow, he gripped Dean’s rough and clammy hand. There they lay as Castiel’s heart shattered. He could feel it all, the pain, the desolation and took as much of it from Dean as he could.

That night Dean slept and the next morning it seemed like a miracle. Dean woke, just for a moment and called Castiel’s name but it gave them hope.  
Sam allowed the contact but was unwilling to hope for fear it wouldn't last. As the nightmares slowed and the shaking almost stopped, Sam realised this was it. This was the miracle they needed and that they could get Dean back.

Sam and Cas discussed it at length and the only difference they could see was that Cas was an Angel. It was a mystery and a gift, one they weren't going to examine too closely.  
Dean relieved those nights sometimes when he lay alone in bed. He imagined his friend lying next to him, touching his skin and the warmth, the whispers of how it would all be okay. Even the memory soothed him. Sometimes they’d lie in silence, just breathing but it was like a lullaby to Dean’s battered soul. When he was lucid he’d remembered but hadn't told Cas that he did. It was difficult to admit but the peace in that room was what he needed, what he craved. He felt so safe there and he hadn't wanted to move, hadn’t wanted to function. It was just, easier.

It became an addiction, all day, every day. Cas lay by Dean’s side and held his hand. It kept the worst delusions and bouts of panic away. Full body contact was best but unless it got bad Cas respected Dean’s personal boundaries.  
There was one night though, Dean remembered it as if it was only yesterday. After days of lucidity, they thought the worst was over. Cas had left the bunker to get groceries, Sam was trying to find Jack, who had vanished leaving only a cryptic note. It was fine for an hour and then the regression had started but not progressive like it usually did. This time it came in a wave of all-consuming panic and memories. Michael as he hurt humans, taunted Dean’s family, beat Cas into a bloody angelic pulp. The fear, the rage, the helplessness crashed into him all at once and he drowned.

Cas told him the story sometime after. Dean knew his friend had found him screaming and gasping on his bed. Cas left out the part where it was his name he’d been screaming over and over, begging Micheal to stop the vicious and brutal beating. Dean overheard that later when Sam and Cas were talking.  
They left out the part where Cas had stripped down to his boxers to create as much skin to skin contact as he could. He had ignored Dean's preferences, so worried that he was too late. So terrified of the thought that he would become catatonic again he simply acted. He wrapped himself around Dean's shuddering body and pulled him into his arms. They lay touching, chest to feet until the nightmares receded. The angel held him until he was positive Dean was back with him and was staying. 

Sam freaked out when he returned to find them in bed, half naked with Cas caressing Dean’s hair like a sick child. Sam had frowned watching them together. Seeing Cas soothe and whisper apologies into Dean's damp hair confused him. It had seemed so intimate, so emotional that he'd frozen open-mouthed, for a long time. They’d argued about it afterwards but Sam conceded. It had been the only way and Dean didn't need to know. But, Dean did know and it caused a mess inside him he didn't know what to do with.  
Time passed and lucidity became the norm. The severity dipped and he became more aware. Dean could justify the closeness he and Cas shared less and less. Eventually, sleeping with his friend by his side had become... uncomfortable and not because it wasn’t pleasant but because it was.

Pushing the thought away he stepped into the kitchen, then leaned on the door frame to regain his balance. The aroma was heavenly. Both sweet and bitter, he inhaled deep savouring the smell. Oh coffee, sweet coffee, come to daddy. He almost moaned, it was that good but reigned it in. Moving toward the black elixir, he considered pouring a cup. The throbbing in his skull was at Defcon One, he reconsidered and took the whole pot. Grabbing the new oversized mug which was a gift that Cas had brought him, it read ‘you only live once’ and it always made him smile. That angel has a dark sense of humour. Carrying it to the table in the library, he slid into one of the hard chairs with a thud. Sam and Cas had their noses deep in a book and Dean groaned. Why books? Why was it always books?

As his head spun again, he debated drinking the coffee black from the jug; how mad would Sammy be? They both looked up as he moved around but then returned back to their task. Huffing internally, he decided against it. Resolved that the wrath of his baby brother would only make his headache worse. The angel was in his usual trench and shirt combo and Sammy had on his jeans and a flannel shirt. Was that the same shirt as yesterday? He stifled a laugh at the irony.  
"Hello Dean," Cas muttered, distracted by the page Sam was pointing at. Dean watched the angel without registering it. The expressions, the frown on his face made something tug behind Dean's ribs. Before it could settle, he swiped it away and looked at the book instead. The book was large, red and covered in symbols. Some he recognised but his brain wasn't playing ball this morning. Bacon, he needed bacon. Head dropping forward because he was too tired to care anymore. Taking another deep breath he willed the world to stop doing cartwheels.

Sam cleared his throat, “That bad huh?”

Dean groaned a yes.

“Would you like me to fix it?” Castiel asked looking up, his expression full of care and concern.

“No, let him suffer. Maybe next time he’ll quit after the first bottle of whiskey…”

Sam flicked over a page of the book, it was aggressive. He avoided Dean's gaze but the accusation was clear. Sam disapproved of the excessive drinking. Hell, Sam disapproved of Dean in general at the moment. He had to agree with his brother but he’d never admit it, that second bottle had been a bad move. Dean pried his eyes open a little wider to glare at Sam but got Cas who glanced over at him in pitty and shrugged. Dean felt horrible but it was probably an abuse of the angel's powers anyway...probably.

He watched them for a few minutes and waited for the rundown. When they didn't elaborate he debated going to get food. Turning he noticed a brown bag sitting to Castiel's left. Food, he thought and realised he wasn't only dreaming of bacon, he could smell it. "Hey, is that mine?" Dean ventured as he snagged it.

The smell of fresh warm bread and hot meat made him salivate and his stomach grumbled in anticipation of food.

"Yes," Cas said without fanfare but he was already halfway through the bacon roll. Damn, he loved that angel. The thought made him swallow hard.

"Thanks, Cas." He groaned around a mouthful of bread.

Dean sat in silence as he consumed the two bacon rolls and then moved on to the pancakes. They discussed a symbol in the text they ignored Dean's orgasmic chomping noises. A sensible choice.

"Hey, Nerds, are you gonna to tell me what's going on or should I take a nap?" he ventured several minutes later. Annoyance bubbling over his bacon filled happy place. ‘I could have stayed in bed.’ He thought.

"Dick," Sam muttered under his breath, more stressed since Jack disappeared. What Sam wouldn't say is that he was annoyed at their Mom. 

Mary couldn't deal with Dean and had buried herself in work. Hunting and helping the refugees from the other reality had become her obsession. She found them all a place to live, an abandoned town about an hour away and spent most of her time there. She visited but it was fleeting. Any more than twenty minutes resulted in arguing with Dean or crying into Sam’s shoulder. Mary had received some of the worst of Michaels wrath and she was still dealing. Dean got that but Sam was having to take on all this with Cas and it just didn't seem fair. On top of it, Sammy felt responsible for Jack. They all did.

"This book is the one I was looking for last week. It'd been spelled so I couldn't see it unless I already knew where it was." Sam chimed in.

"Awesome."

"Yeah, but Cas found it last night and we've been going through it since then."

Deans thoughts snapped together. An all-night library session explained Sam wearing yesterday’s shirt. All was right with the world once more. "You've been at this all night? You two really need to get laid," he smirked.

"I think you've got that covered, don't you? What was her name? The blonde last night? Britney? Brianna?”

“Bethany. She was dancing to pay for medical school. She named her dog after dairy.”

The brothers turned to stare at Cas.

“You spoke to her?” Dean asked incredulously, “When were you at the bar?”

“I came to check on you and I spoke to her while you were in the bathroom. She was nice.”

They stared at him.

“Dairy?” Sam just had to ask.

“Butter.”

They stared some more until Dean broke the silence. Reverting back to his brother's original comment.

“Why does it bother you so much? Jealous?”

“Whatever Dean. Are you done?" Sam asked, rolling his eyes.

"Sure, hit me- nerd boy." Dean felt the grin creeping over his face but it didn't reach his eyes.

Sam scowled and added, "This book tells us how to get to the other universe, the one where Jack is."

Dean, surprised said, "I thought we needed grace and that other hoodoo witch stuff?"

Cas looked up, his gaze meeting Dean's,

"That's just one way to get there. Jack ventured to a dimension that is almost identical to ours. It's so close that it overlaps which means the same rules don’t apply."

"Right, but this spell or whatever will do it? We can go get him?" He sipped his coffee and savoured the warmth on the way down.

Sam and Cas exchanged a look and Dean knew there was a catch.

“Well, it only works if one of us stays on this side to say the spell. Then write the return sigil on the wall. It's the only way to guarantee that we’ll get back to this universe,” Sam said sitting back in his chair.

“So who's staying behind?” Dean asked.

Cas and Sam exchanged that look again and he knew he wasn’t going to like what came next.

“Well, we thought maybe you'd want to sit this one out, you know, after everything...” Sam gave him his most sympathetic look. Which made Dean angry, not least because five seconds ago he’d been riding his ass for the way he was coping.

“Are you saying that I can't handle it?” Dean growled, “It's a damn milk run Sam. We beam over, find Jack and bring his ass back home, you think I should sit this one out and Cas? Really? You agree with him?”

“You know that's not what we’re saying,” Sam replied, snapping.

As they argued, Cas gaze flicked between the two of them.

“It’s funny because that's what I heard.” He smirked.

“Dean, if you really want to go then, Sam...” Cas interrupted, glancing in Sam’s direction, “...I'm sure it’ll be fine.”

Cas frowned, he didn't like being stuck between them like this.

“Great, fine, do whatever.” Sam huffed, he should have known the angel would take Dean’s side. It was an unspoken rule. They could disagree with each other but they almost always teamed up against him, or anyone else. Sam didn't even think they knew they were doing it and he ran his fingers through his long hair in annoyance.

“Did you like the food, Dean?” Cas tried changing the subject but Sam wouldn't let it go.

Sam sat forwards in his chair looking defeated and added. “I'm just...worried about you.”

Dean felt bad for a second, knowing he’d overreacted but he would be damned if they were going to bench him. Especially when they finally found Jack, he had to go. It was all his fault that Jack was even there in the first place, he was there for Dean, to help him. 

He smiled at his brother, it was as soft as he could make it, “Sammy, I'll be fine. I'm all good. Healthy as a horse.” Then turned to Cas with a bright and genuine smile. “Yeah, it was awesome. Bacon: food of the gods.”

Sam looked like he wanted to say more but knew it wouldn't help and rolled his shoulders to the release the tension. He’d snap then regret it, thinking he was being too hard on Dean then he’d go all soft. The mood swings were giving Dean whiplash.

“So are you coming or is Cas?” asked Dean.

“We thought it would be better if Cas went, we don't know if you’ll need some angel mojo to get back. Jack should be enough backup but we don't know what it’s like there...and if you don't find him for some reason.”

Dean raised his eyebrows becoming unsure of the plan and Sam saw it in his face.

“You will but...It's just in case. You know, insurance?”

Reassured, Dean relaxed a little. They would get Jack, there was no other option.

“So when are we doing this thing?” Dean asked, running his fingers over the now tepid mug.

“Now,” Cas replied standing, his trench coat catching the chair as he moved.

“Now?”

Dean wished he’d had more pancakes but was glad his headache had eased.

“Yes, Dean,” Cas added. “Now.”

The angel was tense, he could feel it from across the table. Cas didn't want him to go, the concern all over his face.

“Okay, I’ll gear up.” Dean ignored Cas expression, he had to go.

Glad for something to do he stretched, regretted it and stood. Ten minutes later he returned with supplies and dropped the bag on the floor. Sam's face looked like he was chewing a wasp but he would get over it, he always did.

“Dean? You need to be here.” Cas prompted, pointing at the circle he was standing in. There was a disapproving tone but, well, ignorance was bliss.

The outline on the floor started to glow a deep flickering green which stopped once Dean was inside.

“You ready?” Sam asked Cas.

“Yes, Sam.”

With that, he started chanting.


	2. "I'm sitting in a laundry-mat, reading about myself... sitting in a laundry-mat reading about myself. My head hurts."

The room shook as the spell progressed, the green glow was blinding. Sam had drawn a complex looking symbol onto the library wall. He pressed his bloody hand to it and everything froze. The world tilted to the left, then rolled and Dean’s stomach lurched. His breakfast made a bid for freedom, a hard swallow forced it down.

Only minutes passed but it felt like an hour as the spinning came to an abrupt halt. Dean felt sick, really sick. Lying there subdued, a groan escaped him. Despite instinct telling him to get up he remained still, much longer than he should have. ‘Stupid hangover, stupid spell’, he thought. That was like being put in a blender. Why did I volunteer for this again?

Tilting his head to one side he was pleasantly surprised, they hadn't gone anywhere. Cas was lying next to him on the hard tile floor of the bunker where they'd stepped into the spell. Sam was missing and so was the spell circle, Weird. Dean squinted as the lights assaulted his sensitive eyes. 

“Hey Cas, you okay?” Dean asked, shaking his friend's shoulder.

“Yes Dean, I’m fine. Are you?”

“Yeah, I have all my parts. I don't think it worked though it all looks exactly the same,” he added, standing then used the wall to steady himself. 

“It definitely worked; this doesn't feel like our universe.”

Cas turned to him, squinting into the air like he could see the atoms holding it all together, maybe he could? Then he brushed non-existent dirt from his trench coat and looked around. The Angel turned as if making a note of the room. It looked exactly the same to Dean.

“It's almost the same; it just feels a little... different.” His rough tone was speculative.

The sound of approaching footsteps had his heart racing and adrenaline pumping through his veins.  
Like an idiot, Dean had left his gun in the bag. The demon knife was in his belt so he reached for it then crouched, ready to face whatever evil approached.

It was a surprise when the footsteps belonged to Sam.

He looked like their Sam, something was different but Dean couldn't put his finger on it. The likeness was, well, it was creepy and it threw him. Straightening in surprise, he hid the knife behind his back and smiled.

Sam looked tired and a little confused at seeing them standing there.

“Morning guys.” He said, “How are you awake?”

“Er…” Dean started, unsure how to begin this conversation.

How did you tell someone you were from an alternate reality? I mean he’d done it before but this was Sam, it was just different.

“You guys were so out of it last night! Did you have fun?” A slight frown passed over his face.

“Er...Yes?” Dean answered, unsure of how to turn this around.

“Good. The girls did everything but you know the cake was my idea,” he paused to glance at Cas. 

Dean tried to keep a neutral expression. 

“Cas, why are you wearing your trench coat? Are you regressing or did you forget to do the laundry again?” Sam laughed, moving to a desk to flip through some papers.

“Erm…” Cas replied, glaring at Dean.

“I thought you weren’t going till tomorrow?” Sam added with his back to them.

Dean glanced at Cas and shrugged.

“We ah, decided to go today?” Dean offered, unsure of what he was agreeing too.

He was digging a hole and it was getting deeper. Cas held eye contact, willing him to fix it. The silent argument was moot a moment later when Sam spun and aimed a sawed-off shotgun in their direction. Dean cursed as Sam asked, “Who the hell are you and what are you doing here?”

Shit.

Tension radiated from the doppelganger as he scowled at them. Dean should've been in fight mode but wasn't. Kicking himself again for the gun oversight he felt completely off his game. Maybe he wasn't ready for this? 'Too late now ass-hat' he internally chastised.

His brother, who wasn't his brother stared at him like he was a stranger but it was Sam, not a shifter or anything and it threw him. 'This is going to get annoying', he thought. Alternate universes made his brain ache. 

Dean was actually relieved that he had an opening but not so much about the shotgun.

“Just, be cool okay? We’re not here to hurt you or anything”. Dean held his hands up on replacing the knife in his belt. “We’re Dean and Cas, just not your Dean and Cas.”

“Yeah, I figured that out. Cas hasn’t worn that coat in years…” Sam stared them down.

“We’re not shapeshifters or witches or whatever.”

“You won’t mind proving it then will you?” Sam threw a bag at them; it contained the usual ‘prove you’re not an evil SOB’ kit complete with silver, holy water etc.

Dean and Cas touched, drank and cut until Sam was satisfied they weren’t anything dangerous. Dean winced as the knife sliced through his skin and he bled over the floor. Once they were done, Cas leaned over and healed him, taking the last of the hangover with it. Sweet relief poured through his veins. The bouts of nausea faded to nothing. The back pain was gone and so was the perpetual ache he’d had around his kidneys for weeks. He always meant to ask whether Cas healed everything when he did that and apparently that was a solid yes. Cleaning the blood with a towel from the bag, Dean glanced at Sam for his approval. He gave it with a nod. 

Sam took a seat himself and propped the gun on the table. Once comfortable he instructed them to walk over to the wall and then to return.

They both looked at him like he’d lost his shit until he said "Devils trap under the rug, can’t be too careful. Now sit.”

“Nice.” Dean smiled, impressed. They needed to do that back home.

“I’m glad you’re impressed, I live for that shit.” His sarcasm made Dean's smile wider.

Oh, this Sam was snarky, awesome.

“Just a few questions before we get to why you’re in our home without an invitation…”

“Sur-”

“-Where were we born?”

Dean smirked, “Lawrence, Kansas.”

“Your favourite song?”

“Trick question. It’s a tie between Zeppelin's- Ramble On and Traveling Riverside Blues.”

“Where did we carve our names in the Impala?”

“It was our initials and they're on the rear window deck.”

Sam paused, thinking of harder questions, “What am I most afraid of?”

“Clowns.” Dean glared and Sam shuddered.

Dean was getting bored and decided to give answers before Sam could ask.

“Your childhood best friend was a Zanna named Sully. You have no taste in music, Hair Metal, really? We won't discuss your taste in women and green stuff is not a food but you eat it anyway. You’re also a fan of talking about your feelings. Are we done?”

Sam scrutinised Dean's face for several long minutes before asking, “So, what do you want?”

Dean turned to his friend, happy that Jeopardy: Winchester Edition was over, “Cas you wanna get this one?”

Cas nodded, “We are from a reality like this one. We came to find our friend.” Cas paused and corrected himself, “My Son, Jack. He’s here and we’ve come to take him home.”

Sam’s eyes went wide, “Your Son?”

“He’s adopted,” Cas added as if it was perfectly normal for Angels to have adopted sons.

“Right.”

“Have you seen him?” Cas asked.

“He’s youngish, looks like late teens/ early twenties, blonde-ish hair and is about Cas’s height?” Dean added, “Oh yeah and eyes glow like gold when he’s mad or whatever.”

The flippancy of the last part made Sam’s brow rise in surprise. “Golden eyes huh?”

“Yeah not like the demon, less creepy- more Angel.” Dean clarified but it didn’t sound less weird.

“Can’t say I’ve seen him and I’m sure Cas or Dean would have mentioned if they’d seen someone with gold glowing eyes." Pausing, he frowned, "This is going to get confusing isn’t it?” He moved the shotgun to the side then rubbed his hand through his long hair.

This Sam had longer hair than his Sam; he could see the difference now.

“So Jack, he’s an angel?”

“He’s Nephilim,” Cas added before Dean could caution him against it. They had no idea how this Sam felt about Nephilim, they could be seen as monsters here. Dean’s fears subsided when curiosity crossed Sam's face.

“Interesting...” He commented relaxing back in his chair.

Dean thought the guy was taking this all very well and said so.

“If your lives are even a little like ours, you can understand why I’m pretty good with strange,” Sam replied. “Nothing surprises me anymore.”

“Yeah, I get that” Dean shuffled in his seat.

“So you didn't stop Lucifer’s kid from being born huh?”

“Wait, What?” Dean asked looking shocked, “You did?”

“Yeah, the mother, Kelly, she made the choice. She sacrificed herself with a little angelic help.”

Sam explained. ”Yours was Kelly too right?

“Wow. Yeah. No in ours, she went through with it and we got Jack.”

Cas looked horrified at the idea of Jack not existing or maybe it was Kelly being killed by Angels, either way, Dean pushed him a reassuring smile.

“He’s not evil then?” Sam’s genuine interest peeked through.

“No, he’s good and kind,” Cas interjected with a vague threat.

“The kids family. We just want him back so we can go home.” Dean added trying to defuse Cas’s temper. Then smiled at Sam with the ‘please don't say things like that’ look.

“We haven't seen him as far as I know. Why did he come here in the first place, maybe that will give us somewhere to start?” Sam asked.

Dean gave Sam wide eyes and Cas added, “You’ll help us?”

“Sure, Can’t have a rogue Nelphim flying around, no matter how kind he is. The Angels definitely won’t like it and were not on the best of terms with them at the moment. So we’ll help you get him back. You're basically us right?” It was a rhetorical question, they could all feel it.

Dean nodded wanting to ask more about the Angels but didn't feel it was the right time.

“So why not? Hey, it's probably more disturbing that this only rates about a seven on my weird shit-o-meter.” Sam smiled.

Dean laughed, yep it was definitely Sam. The truth of his intentions lit his face. This could be easier than they’d thought.

Famous last words.

“Cas?” Dean prompted for him to explain.

“Dean became possessed by the Archangel Michael and Jack thought the answer to saving him would be here,” Cas spoke quickly.

“You said yes...to Michael?” Astounded, Sam met Dean’s eyes.

“Seemed like a good idea at the time…” Dean scowled adding extra sarcasm.

The flashback hit like a shockwave. Dean became rigid in his chair. He could hear Cas and Sam asking if he was okay but couldn’t answer. The images came thick and fast. Blood rushed through his veins, pulsing so loud he could hear it. The room started to dim around the edges, shadows closing in. The panic, the helplessness it overwhelmed everything else as he spiralled into the memory.

It was playing like a horror movie in his mind. Saying yes to Michael then defeating Lucifer, realising he’d been betrayed. It consumed every thought and emotion. Sam’s strangled cry as he realised that Dean was gone. It was a hollow, broken plea. Panic raged as he fought for control in the memory. He could see Cas and Sam staring at him, worried. He was screaming, wasn’t he? Why were they so calm?

The hand on his was cool and strong. Cas.

“Dean…” Cas whispered, “Dean come back. I’m here. You’re okay. You’re safe. He’s gone, you're safe.”

His hand became warm and it was the same as a thousand times before. Cas pulled the emotions away. Drained them like rain dripping from his skin. Slowly the panic receded; the shaking ebbed and became a fine tremble. The whole thing lasted moments. Dean came back to the room with a shudder.

“Are you here?” Cas asked, “Are you okay?”

Dean nodded as he took in both Cas' concern and Sam’s shocked expression.

“Are you alright if I carry on?” Cas prompted.

Dean looked at his hand and had a serious internal struggle. He was terrified to let Cas move but knew it made him look weak to maintain the contact. Cas glanced at him like he was a damn wounded animal but with a tight smile added, “Let me know if you need me?” and tentatively removed his hand.

Sam was staring at the interaction trying to figure out what was happening.

“The memories won't fuck off…” Dean commented as he looked at Sam.

“I get it,” Sam replied, genuine understanding in his eyes, he'd been there.

Looking at Cas Dean added, “Thanks Cas, I’m good.” The deep breath he took helped to steady his frayed nerves.

Cas took that as his cue to continue, “Lucifer was on a rampage,” Cas added, “Dean had no choice.” 

“Wow, you guys have been through the ringer. Lucifer is in his cage here, has been for a while.”

“Lucky you...” Dean wrapped it in sarcasm. . 

Seems like they have things better here, he thought. Though he still fighting off memories, it was settling down. One day it wouldn't be this bad. One day...

Sam interrupted his thoughts, “Ah, I get it now. You feel responsible?”

“Something like that,” Dean replied, as he shuffled uncomfortably in his chair.

“Do you know what he was looking for?”

“A relic, it was destroyed in our world.” Cas answered, "The wrath of Joshua.”

“’I’ve never heard of it. Sounds made up.” Sam stood and grabbed a book from the shelf behind him.

“It’s a little-known relic, one that was destroyed aeon’s ago in our world but Jack found its essence here and followed it,” Cas added. “He’d been gone for more than a week and we became... concerned.”

“You let your Son go to an alternate reality alone?”

Cas ground his teeth together, “No. He left a note.”

They’d been furious at Jack for bailing and had started the plan to find him immediately. The note had said he would come back in a week regardless of what he found but he hadn't. While annoyed, they hadn’t started to panic until then.

Sam sat with the book at the table and flicked a casual finger through it.

“Aren’t Nephilim supposed to be all-powerful?” Intrigued, Sam looked at Dean.

 

“You could say he had a bit of a fuel problem,” he replied with a wry smile. 

 

“I still have a million questions but I should go get the others and fill them in, they’ll be pissed if I leave it too long. Hell, Dean will be pissed I’ve waited this long.”

Yet, Sam didn't move. They sat, staring at each other until Dean couldn't take it anymore. “Is there a problem?”

“They’re going to be hung-over, very hung-over” Sam replied, sheepishly.

“Oh yeah? Dean flashed a cheeky grin and Sam returned it, “Oh yeah.” A smile took over his face, it was brilliant.

“Party?” Dean asked.

“Wedding,” Sam replied.

Dean hadn't seen that look on his Sam for a long time; it saddened him. It was also unnerving. It was so...open, so happy.

“Can I ask something personal?”

“Er, sure, if you have too,” Dean replied, not liking his tone.

“Are you guys? You know, together?”

Dean and Cas exchanged a look and Dean laughed. Then his eyes went wide as he registered Sam’s meaning.

“What? No! Why would you ask that?” Dean looked horrified. Every memory of him and Cas together over past months bombarded him and he shoved it away with enough force to make his head spin. 

Cas just stared at Sam like he'd grown another head.

Before Sam could elaborate, footsteps sounded, followed by the melody of relaxed laughter. The words were inaudible but the voices were very familiar, it was eerie and then time slowed to a crawl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	3. "Look, all I know is that I was not groped by an angel."

Dean watched himself walk up the stairs.

The other Dean was naked from the waist up. Dark sweatpants rode low on his hips and highlighted the sculpted abs and torso. It took longer to notice Cas following behind him, not his Cas... what the fuck. This Cas was also lacking a top and wearing sweatpants. 

Dean was staring and he knew it, his jaw hit the table as he watched them. What freaked him out the most was how they moved.

They were flirting, smiling. Dean knew that particular smile had felt it a few times on his own face. The happy smile, it was bright and open. It was also, unnerving as all hell, like looking in a funhouse mirror. The other Cas ran his hand over his Dean’s chest like he owned it. Leaning in, he kissed his lover. Then wrapping himself around the man's waist he pulling him in close as they walked towards the table.

It was like a physical blow. Confusion fired through him and started a fine tremble in his hands. He'd seen monsters do things before. Things wearing his face but this was a version of him, not a monster playing him. Maybe thinking that would keep him sane? It's not me; it's a version of me there’s not much difference. Nope didn't help. He sat and stared while the other him spoke to Sam.

“So you didn't think to come get us, huh?” Other Dean asked Sam, Ignoring the doppelgangers around the table. Nothing to see here.

Dean stared, this was going to get confusing… What did you call yourself? Or another version of your friends? It like he was in one of those clone movies. How about keeping it simple? Dean number 2? Dean#2, D2? He sniggered internally. Yeah D2. Why not? As for the other Cas? He considered the Angel for a moment and then decided to go with the obvious, Cas-two. D2 & Cas-two. Yep, his brain could function again. 

“Figured you’d send Cas to eavesdrop when you heard voices.” Sam added.

“Not the point.” 

“Yes it is, otherwise you’d be in full gear and not sweats.” Sam smiled, knowing he'd won.

D2 glared at his brother.

“I only checked on you, Sam. I wasn’t spying.” Cas-two added, sheepish.

“I get it Cas, he made you. Don't worry about it.”

At Sam's reassurance, he looked relieved.

Dean admired his double, sending Cas was a good idea. Not many things could even find the bunker let alone get in, and Sam was capable of looking after himself. Adding the precaution of invisi-Cas was a good Call.  
The thought shook him back to himself, he played with the Demon knife as the guys discussed them.

“They’re not dangerous. They feel like us...but not.” The angel added.

“You're saying we’re not dangerous?” Dean interjected.

“Well, it’s relative,” Cas-two replied with a smile.

“Do you need to smile at him?” D2 huffed.

Cas-two laughed and Dean grunted. He was in the twilight zone.

D2 glared at him, making eye contact then leaned into Cas with a kiss.

Dean recoiled, it never got any less freaky seeing yourself do things that you just, didn’t.

“Cas, are you seeing this?” Dean ventured, looking for confirmation that he wasn't going insane.

Pretty sure this is what it feels like.

Sam laughed at him, relaxing back in his seat after putting the gun away.

“Yes, Dean. I believe the other you and I are, dating?” Cas added without a hint of sarcasm as he glanced at his double.

“Married, we’re Married,” Cas-two noted with pride. They sat and moved their seats closer together, it seemed automatic. Taking his Husband's hand, a soft expression filled his face, it was loving and content.

Dean felt his heart speed up, this was a new one even on him. He needed to chill the fuck out. 

“This is freaky, very Twilight Zone.” D2 added as he observed his mirror image, “Cas Babe, go grab us some shirts would ya?”

“The blue or the red?”

“I don’t mind, you choose.” He squeezed Cas’s hand as he vanished.

Dean wondered why they hadn't come with shirts on, seemed like a thing he’d think of, you know, before leaving his room.

“Sammy, you wanna throw me a bone here?” D2 asked.

“Yeah, sure. I think you know some of it, you know, from your spy?” he raised his eyebrows; the accusation playful.

D2 rolled his eyes in response, “Cas only stayed long enough to make sure you were okay. Stop being such a whiny bitch. I was worried. So sue me.”

That last part didn't feel like Dean, it unnerved him. Feelings...had he ever told Sammy he was worried about him? He couldn't think if he ever had. Why was this bothering him?

Cas-two reappeared wearing a blue v-neck t-shirt and handed D2 a deep red version. He took it and thanked him with another of those stunning smiles.

“Also hunter boy, don't think the sneaky ‘send me back to the room for shirts’ plan went unnoticed. I’m an angel, I strategised for an army of God, I see your tactics before you do and I don't need protecting.”

D2 scowled but it was forced, “You’re my angel and I will protect you whether you like it or not. You should know that by now.”

Dean must have looked confused because Cas-two elaborated.

“It was an opening for Sam to call foul and shoot you without me being in the way.”

Shock registered and so did admiration for his doppelganger, smooth. Well, not so smooth if Cas had him figured out. 

“You realise he’s bulletproof right?” Dean laughed at his counterpart.

“So you’d let your Cas be in danger if you could help it?” D2 sneered in response.

Dean gaped, ready to say yes, or something sarcastic but knew it’d be a lie. It made him shuffle in his seat and study the knife in his hand. It just became really interesting.

“Ha, see,” D2 said with a smug smile, crossing his arms. He’d won and he knew it. Dean looked up and glared, avoiding looking at his Cas.

His double shrugged the shirt over his head as Sam continued.

“Dean and Cas lost someone, they want us to help find him.”

“This someone have a name?” D2 asked. Sam filled them both in on the details.

Meanwhile, Dean sat and tried to process what he was seeing. It was like a car crash and he didn't want to look, really but he just… couldn’t stop staring. The thoughts that raged through his mind were disjointed and random. Where did they sleep? Did Cas sleep in Dean’s room? How did this even happen anyway? Was there pie at the wedding? Was Sam okay with it? He seemed to be...

He whispered to his Cas, “This is so wrong.”

“I think it's sweet Dean,” Cas whispered back.

Dean eyed Cas like he was crazy and could feel his face scrunching. Cas just held his gaze unflinching. 

“Sweet? Are you serious? It's freaking weird.” Dean looked away. Cas looked at him like that now and he never knew how to respond. Since they’d had ‘the talk’ about Cas not being there in his bed, well shit got complicated. Dean would catch Cas looking at him occasionally, like now and it unnerved him. It was like the Angel was daring him to push it. Cas had created a whole set of rules for himself since Dean’s ...experience. Like Dean knew that Cas stood in his room when he was sleeping. Sleep would be restless, the dreams would start and then a woosh of air and they’d seep away, sleep became peaceful. Cas was keeping his promise, he wasn’t in the bed but it was a fine line. Dean knew that Cas knew that he knew...okay he needed to stop this.

“Are you two alright?” Cas-two asked, his expression bright and shiny.

“Yes, Dean is having difficulty processing the, your, err, relationship dynamic,” Cas replied.

“You mean this?” D2 asked. Then he turned, taking Cas’s face in his hands. They kissed, it was passionate and deep and several long seconds long. Dean could focus on nothing else, he tried to look away, really... but there was that car crash thing again.

His mind rolled back to all those time Cas lay next to him, so close. So terribly close and he shuddered.

Sam rolled his eyes and added, “Dude, is that necessary?”

Cas was looking everywhere but right at the kissing couple.

“For the look on his face, absa-freakin’-lutley.” he grinned at Dean.

"Dude, Not cool." He managed to force out.

“We’re sorry if it makes you uncomfortable,” Cas-two said, throwing his Dean a glare.

“Are we though?” 

“Yes, we are.” Cas-two pressed his face against the grinning man, then turned to them with an apologetic look.

“This must be weird for you,” Sam commented.

“That’s one way to put it, yeah,” Dean replied rubbing his face. Cas stayed quiet.

“Do you guys want coffee?” Cas-two asked as he stood to go to the kitchen.

“Er yeah, that’d be great,” Dean answered, thinking he’d rather have whiskey.

“Yes, please,” Cas added, nodding.

“Be right back” Cas-two replied as he disappeared into thin air for the second time.

While they waited for Cas-two to return with coffee, Dean examined himself, the other him, D2... Damn it was there ever an easy way to talk about this alternate reality crap? His hair was darker maybe? There was less blonde than Dean had in his. The rest seemed the same. D2 had Cas' handprint on his arm, he absentmindedly rubbed his own shoulder. Dean felt weird, not sure how exactly...just weird. 

The guys received their drinks in record time and Dean pushed the thought away. Cas looked delighted as his contained copious amounts of honey. He sipped it as a small smile played on his lips.

D2 sat drinking from an oversized mug. It read ‘An Angel watches over me’ with a picture of a small cartoon angel, it had dark hair and wore a brown trench coat. ‘That is too freakin’ adorable’, Dean thought. It was there in his brain before he could control it and he chastised himself. Dude, could I be more gay? Looking up from the mug he smiled at his own inner voice then met his doubles gaze. He choked on his coffee. Yes, I could be more gay. Damn it. 

As he coughed the scalding liquid from his lungs everyone looked at him. They needed to get Jack and get back to their reality, like yesterday. This one was making Dean uncomfortable, extremely uncomfortable.

“So where do we start?” asked D2 who leaned against his angel's shoulder.

“Cas could you put the word out?” Sam asked.

“You mean with the angels?” Cas-two clarified. “Sure, they may have already noticed a Nephilim, which is why he didn't return to you.”

“I was concerned about that,” Cas added looking at his mirror image. “They may have sensed him and have him as a prisoner.” he paused looking concerned.

“It’s a possibility but I’m unlikely to know anytime soon. There are factions who feel that I’m... unacceptable.” He paused and D2 scowled, “So it may take a while for anyone to find information to help us.” 

Cas looked quizzically at them but all that he got was, “long story.” 

The conversation picked up as they hashed out details. Time to find Jack.


	4. "What are you, the Hamburglar?"

It took time to discuss the plan. Cas-two vanished and reappeared as he recruited more people to find Jack. Dean was unsure of what was going on with the angels, curiosity snapped at his heels. 

It was around lunch when they found Jack's last location, a skeevy bar downtown. Cas wanted to get right on it but Cas-two suggested getting lunch. There was a diner not far from the spot so they could scout it out. 

“We can’t all go.” Sam added, “It might raise a few eyebrows...” 

They all agreed. If the angels had Jack, then they would need to go under the radar. 

“And you to can’t just go wandering around either, clearly some things are different here.”

Dean frowned, that’s what they usually did and it usually worked out okay. Sometimes.

“Sammy, why don’t you go with their Dean and scout?” D2 proposed.

“Why can’t I go?” asked Cas, his eyebrows raised slightly in query.

His doppelganger answered, “You’ll draw too much attention. Some of the Angel factions are watching me, and that means you as well. If they do have Jack, you don't want to spook them until we find him. Urial, for one, is unpredictable, and he's not the worst.”

“Your Uriel is alive?” 

Castiel-two looked at Dean and asked, “Yours isn’t?”

“Anna may have killed him…” Cas replied. 

“Ah, okay. No, he’s very much alive…”

“And very much a dick…” D2 added.

“Yeah, ours wasn’t a ray of sunshine either.” The Dean’s had a moment of understanding as they share a look.

“So, I’m sorry Castiel but you’ll have to stay.” Cas-two added, "At least until we know more."

Cas sat with a very un-angelic huff. Dean could see his friend becoming frustrated but it made sense to be cautious. They didn't want to spook the Angels into anything drastic. His rational side was on the ball today, what was wrong with him?

Dean snapped back when Sam spoke, “Dean you up for some scouting?” 

“Yeah, I’m starved. You guys have bacon cheeseburgers right?” Dean replied, getting a laugh from everyone at the table.

“What?”

“Somethings are definitely the same,” Cas-two answered with a Cheshire cat-like smile. 

Dean flushed red and shrugged. Food, focus on food.

“Cas are you going to be okay here?” Dean didn't feel at his standard level of caution. It was surprising how okay he was with letting Cas stay but he wanted to make sure Cas was okay with it.

“I’ll be fine Dean. Just call if you need me?” 

Dean nodded, “Sure, come to get me if anything happens okay?” 

Cas nodded, “Okay, Dean.”

They all stood together, D2 asked Sam the same thing as Dean had asked Cas.

Sam reassured his brother, he grabbed his stuff and they moved out. 

Outside the bunker sat Dean’s 'Baby' and he took a minute to reign in his disbelief.

“Something wrong?” Sam asked turning from the open drivers' side door. 

“Dude. It’s white.” Dean whined, aghast. “Even my car’s gay.” His manhood was getting shot to pieces today. 

Sam laughed, “Yours isn’t white?” he asked.

“Black.” 

Sliding into the Impala he had to admit, the cream leather seats were nice and they matched the dash.

Sam didn't seem offended by Dean. They could trust these guys, he felt it. The thought played on his mind for a moment and then because Dean was, well...him, it made him tense up. 

Sam seemed relaxed, finding humour in everything. The D2 was a bit off but that he understood and Cas-two, well Cas looked...happy. He mulled it over as he relaxed into soft leather seats. Yeah, he felt a bit off, but that shouldn't be surprising. He tried to shake the weird off but some of it stuck like emotional taffy in his gut. 

The car started up and calm settled into Dean’s bones. Deep set tension seeping away in the familiar surrounding. Their Dean couldn't be that bad, even if his 'Baby' was white. She was perfect, the noises of the well-tuned engine soothed him. 

Sam drove in silence for several minutes. Dean took the time to watch the scenery go by noting almost no difference from his world. Then Sam coughed and asked,

“So Dean, you and Cas never…” he trailed off leaving the question hovering. 

“Seriously? No.” he glared.

“Dude, no offence. Just curious.” Sam added going quiet again but the smile didn't budge from his face. 

The rest of the drive sped by in silence and Dean was grateful. They pulled up as rain touched the windshield. Parking outside the diner was easy and it wasn’t far from the Bar that they needed to check.

The Diner was like a million others that Dean had visited in his universe. The blue tables were covered in that ugly yet sanitary plastic/wood and had black booths surrounding them. The waitresses were average people going about their work, it was all so..normal. Once at a table, they ordered food and Dean was salivating before it even got to the table. It was a double bacon cheeseburger with fries and the portion was huge.

As the cheeseburger passed his lips he groaned with satisfaction. Dean could see that Sam wanted to ask another question. He looked so much like his Sam that he could read the expressions on his face.   
I’m not going to like this.

“What?” Dean asked, “Spit it out.” 

“Dude, I’m sorry it’s just so creepy. You’re basically the same.”

“Yeah, just a few minor differences.” Dean said emphasising ‘minor’ like it wasn’t even a little bit minor. 

Sam laughed, “You can ask you know. I can see you’re curious.” 

Dean almost choked on his fries. 

“What?” he forced out from around the food in his mouth. 

“They met about 9 years ago but have been ‘together, together’ for three,” Sam spoke as Dean ate. Did he want to stop this? It was probably best to hear him out right? He wasn't curious at all, nope.

“There was this whole thing with my Dean and the Mark of Cain.” Sam began and Dean nearly choked again.

“He got close to this demon, Crowley? You have him right?"

Dean nodded. 

"They were tight and Cas, well he took exception. It was the push he needed to explain his feelings were, shall we say, deeper than friendship. My brother, well...you can imagine. It went down like a ton of bricks."

Dean could feel the expression on his face, empathy. Yeah, he knew how he'd react and it made him wince for Cas.

"I keep laughing because you remind me so much of him in the beginning.” He ate a bite of his green stuff. 

Dean froze, that was the last thing he needed to hear.

“I didn't see it coming to be honest. They were always close. It was weird sometimes, their bromance but Dean was always so...Dean. You know?"

Dean did know and nodded.

"Then his face when Cas opened up and it was right there you know, the struggle... There was so much angst, and all the back and forth. It nearly broke my brain before my brother just gave in. It was a relief when he snapped out of it and stopped the masculine hetero shit.” Sam paused to drink some water and Dean could feel the surprised smile on his face. Masculine hetero-shit huh?

"No offence dude," Sam added when he remembered who he was talking too, looking sheepish. "You okay if I keep talking?"

Dean grunted something close to a yes, then got annoyed at himself, he wasn't curious, damn it.

“ I’ve never seen him happier, not even with some of the women..."

Sam trailed off at Dean's frown and picked back up with,   
"This is my philosophy, it’s because Cas is an Angel right? Dean, he doesn’t have to worry about the supernatural crap of our lives affecting him so much, ya know?"

"Makes sense," Dean added and then kicked himself again. What was wrong with him? Stop participating in the madness!

But Sam smiled, "No drama about the hunting. Cas is more durable than we are, Angel powers right? He also has this habit of coming back from the dead, which in our family is kinda required.” 

Dean nodded at the reasoning. Actually, when he thought about it like that it made sense. Apart from Cas being a dude, that did not make sense. 

Sam stared at him for a second and then added, “I totally went all Oprah on you there didn't I?” 

He took a deep breath, “I’m sorry, It’s just good to talk to someone about it. I figure Dean can't be mad if I talk to you, you're him.”

Dean frowned at Sams logic. Maybe? God his brain was going to break.

Sam ate more of his food and let Dean mull over it for a few minutes. He needed the time because, shit, that was a lot to take in.  
He watched Sam as he ate, this Sam was softer. He had less hard edges than his brother, the ones life had forced him to develop over the years. This Sam seemed lighter, calmer, less angry and more in touch with his emotions. It made him happy for this Sam but sad for his own. 

Swallowing hard he considered the question on his mind, curiosity was going to be the end of him. 

“I get it. So they got married?” Dean asked trying to keep his face neutral. 

Sam’s eyes lit up as he nodded. Jesus, he really did want to talk about this. Like an eager puppy waiting for a tummy rub. Dean was lost, there was no way he could deny that look. Though he regretted that thought a moment later.

“You wanna see?, I have some pictures from yesterday...” Sam ventured, excitement making his tone playful, almost childlike. 

“They got married yesterday?” and Dean remembered the earlier conversation, Sam had mentioned the guys had been to a wedding. Their own...right. Not breaking his brain at all. This universe man...

Sam nodded.

“Er, sure.” Dean offered. It couldn’t hurt. Right?

Sam took his phone out and found the pictures from the day before then handed it to Dean. The phone felt like lead in his palm, did he actually want to see this? In the end, curiosity won. He started swiping through the pictures. The first we’re all scenery, flowers and an enormous cake that had, were they rock music lyrics? 

“Are you looking at the cake?” Sam asked with a wide smile, Dean nodded and that smile, damn it, it just made him want to keep going.

“You like it? I had the front done all traditional because the girls insisted but then the back...you can see it’s all split. Like it’s peeling then there’s Dean's favourite lyrics and some of Cas’s. Do you like the figures at the top?” Sam asked and Dean zoomed in on the picture. 

It was a tiny him in his dad’s leather jacket and Cas in his trench coat/shirt combo. They were embracing and Cas had his wings out. His brain started to hurt.

“Yeah, it’s different,” Dean answered, his voice a little rough. There was a pull behind his ribs that he couldn't define but it was uncomfortable.

He kept flicking the phone between bites, engrossed. Guests started flicking past and it was like a knife stabbing into his gut. Charlie stood next to Ellen, Donna, Jo, Claire, Alex, Jody and his Mom. The three younger girls were wearing a version of the same black dress. While Charlie sported a suit, black on black with a blue bowtie. In their hands, they each clutched a deep blue flower arrangement. The older women had pins in the same blue flower, they were all hugging and looked relaxed, happy.

“They’re hyacinths, just, if you were wondering, the girls picked them for their meaning. Sincerity? I was impressed with the details, they really went to town.”Sam frowned, “It’s annoying that I know that.” he laughed. 

Dean looked over the picture for longer than was necessary but it was amazing, sad and amazing. Sammy was talking about wedding stuff, freakin’ flowers for god’s sake. He didn't know what to do with that and Sam saw it.

"Sorry dude. I know it's weird for you."

He ignored that as he stared at the phone. The picture of his smiling friends got him right in the feels, Dean felt himself get choked up. It was overwhelming. 

“They’re alive here,” he whispered.

“Who?” Sam asked looking worried.

“Ellen, Jo…” Dean paused taking a breath, “Charlie.” 

“Oh god Dean, I’m sorry, I didn’t....” Sam stopped and changed his tone. Dean could tell he was trying to pull them away from the sadness as he added, “Yeah, they were all there, it was a great day”

“I can't believe you’re talking about cake and flower arrangements.” Sarcasm pushed through Dean’s pain.

“Can you see you and Cas planning a wedding?” 

That broke Dean out of his melancholy moment and he smiled. 

Flicking through the pictures bore more emotional moments. Bobby was alive here, their Bobby, not an alternate. Along with a few other friends that he missed like crazy and everyone looked so happy. The next photo was of Dean and Cas. Dean was wearing a perfectly fitted three-piece black suit with a blue tie. It was identical in colour to the flowers the girls had been holding and Charlie’s. Cas’s suit was all that same shade of blue finished with a black tie. It fit him like a glove. They looked blissful. So much so that Dean felt uncomfortable again and handed Sam back the phone.

"That was..."

"Surreal?" Sam finished for him and he nodded. 

Chewing on some fries he thought about what to say. "Seems like you got it better here. Everyone seems happier."

"We've had our fair share of shit but we always come out on top." Sam smiled and shrugged.

Dean finished his food in record time practically licking the plate clean. His mind pushed the pictures away as he got back into business mode.

“You ready?” Sam asked as he stood. 

“Sure. Let’s go” 

They made their way across to the bar that Cas-two’s contacts had seen Jack at. It was a Demon bar so they entered with caution. Thankfully there were only two in there, both cleaning glasses. The place was grungy, dark and stank of stale beer. There were peanut shells on the floor and their shoes crunched as they walked to the bar. 

“The Winchesters, how fun.” The tall black wrestler-looking dude said. 

“Derek, long time,” Sam replied, it was casual but there was an uneasy tension flowing through the room. 

“What do you want?” The wide set woman asked, her large bust heaved as she spoke. 

“Zera,” Sam added as an introduction. It’s not like he could say, ‘This isn't our Dean and he doesn't know who you are.’ 

Zera turned and polished a glass, her skin was a soft golden brown and with the dark hair and facial structure, it made dean think of the middle east. 

“We need some info about a guy that came in here.” Sam nodded at Dean who gave a description. 

“Not a Demon?” Derek asked. 

“No, Sam replied, “We know the rules and you know he wasn’t a Demon.”

Dean was confused but kept it from his expression. 

“Yeah, he was looking for the Angels' stash of weapons. Told him, wasn’t a good plan. He lit up one of my guys like it was nothing but when he realised we didn't know anything, he left.”

“Do you know where he went?” Dean asked, still wondering why this was all so civil.

“No,” Zera added. 

“Thanks. Come on Dean.” Sam turned and Dean stared at him but followed in a huff. 

The sky was black with the promise of a storm as they left the bar. Once outside Dean let his confusion and anger out. 

“What was that?” He spat through gritted teeth, crossing his arms.

“What was what?”

“All of that,” he gestured, waving his hand in the general direction of the bar, “We didn’t kick any ass at all.” 

Sam frowned and then laughed. “We don't need too, there’s a truce in place. As long as we’re not asking about Demons, they give us the info. We don't kill them, they don't kill us.” he shrugged, “ We all stay alive longer.”

Dean stood opened mouthed, “and… they agreed to this?” 

Sam nodded, “Crowley did, and I quote ‘Dead Demons are not productive Demons.’” Sam’s Crowley impression was awful

“So do you actually hunt them? Or is it all rainbows and unicorns?” Dean sounded incredulous. 

“Of course we hunt them. When they’re killing people.” Sam maintained eye contact. “But when we need info, they cooperate. It goes against their nature but Crowley keeps them in line.”

“How do we know they weren't lying?” Dean pressed.

“We don’t but if your boy was after the Angel stash, it makes it more likely the Angels have him.” Sam sighed and rubbed his neck. “We just need confirmation, a lead.”

“Why can’t Cas-two just ask them?” 

Sam raised an eyebrow, “You’re calling him Cas-two?” 

“It’s confusing! Okay!” Dean frowned.

“Sure.” he stifled a laugh. “Cas can ask, he’s been trying but there are certain factions that won’t speak to him directly. They would actually work against us out of spite. So we have to be careful.”

“Right, those issues again? Huh?” Dean asked and Sam nodded. 

As they walked away from the bar he was annoyed at not being able to blow off some steam. And worse, than that they were no better off than before.


	5. "Like - Like Bizarro Earth, right? Except instead of having Bizarro Superman, we get this clown factory."

The drive back to the bunker was uneventful. The sky was black and full of rain. It looked like one of those random downpour kinds of days.

D2 and Cas-two were in the kitchen when they returned. The five of them sat around the high table in, updating the others only took a few minutes. The decision, after some growling from D2 was that Cas-two should go and check in with the Angels. When Angels were mentioned, Dean noted that his doppelganger got a stress frown. Especially when his Cas went to check or speak to them. There was definitely more to the story than they’d mentioned. Cas-two vanished into the ether and D2 was on edge, twitchy.

Sam left to go do some research on Nephilim, curiosity getting the best of him. Which left the Dean’s and Cas to wait it out.

“Which diner was it?” D2 asked. It was casual but slightly hostile. As if he didn’t want to ask but he was trying. Most of Dean’s conversations with D2 had that tone.

“Janice’s?” Dean replied, “You know it?”

“Oh yeah, great burgers,” he said grabbing two beers out of the fridge when Cas declined.

Dean explained to Cas about the Demon truce and the Angel stilled. “...and the Demons abide by this?”

“Apparently…” Dean replied.

“Well, that is...interesting.”

“Yeah, it is.” Dean smiled, “This place is better and worse huh?”

“Yes Dean, better and worse.”

D2 chimed in, addressing Cas which he always seemed more comfortable with. "How?"

Cas exchanged a look with Dean and Dean answered despite D2’s clear preference for the Angel. “Mom is alive in ours…”

D2’s choked on his beer and Dean smiled. Points for him, yes!

“How is that possible?” D2 asked disbelieving, “Didn’t she die like ours did? When Sammy was a baby.” 

Dean nodded, “Yeah but when the Darkness came, she left us a gift. Mom.”

“The Darkness?” Sam asked as he walked in hitting the fridge for a drink.

“God’s sister? Oh yeah, ask Chuck about her when you get the chance.” Dean scoffed, “It was a whole thing.”

“His...what?” D2 exclaimed, “I think we’ll definitely have to raise that”

“So what’s she like?” Sam asked.

Dean went into the story, everything that had happened so far. It was an interesting conversation on both sides.

Cas-two returned about an hour later with some news. Declaring that one of his contacts had intel. Jack had been seen in a motel on the outskirts of town. Cas-two was frustrated. He was sure something was being kept from him but he was scared to push, just in case they did have Jack and they hurt him. He didn't want to tip anyone off until he knew what was happening but Cas was pretty sure the Angels had him.

“We should go,” Dean said.

“Yes, we should.” Cas agreed.

The others looked at them both and nodded, it was worth the risk of taking Cas. Cas-two’s suspicions escalated things. With the information from the Demons on Jack, there could only be trouble brewing.

“Sam go with them, scout it out and if you find him, check in.” Other Dean instructed. “...And Sam? Keep them out of trouble.”

Sam nodded and no one argued.

The rain hammered steadily as they left the bunker and it didn't show any signs of easing. They took the Impala and the ride became quickly awkward. This is becoming the theme of the day.

“Dean, Are you mad at me?” Cas asked getting his attention from the back seat.

Dean didn't turn but answered casually, “What? No, why would I be?”

“You’ve been avoiding me, that’s all,” Cas added.

“No, I haven’t.”

Sam shot Dean a look, which said he had been.

“Don’t you start.”

Sam smiled, trying not to laugh.

“Cas I’m not avoiding you, okay. Are we done now?” Dean huffed and slid down into his seat.

“Yes, Dean,” Cas replied sounding sad. Dean thought it was over then Cas added,

“I know it’s making you uncomfortable thinking about the two of us being intimate, but I assure you…”

“Jesus Cas, for the love of god, just stop okay. I’m not avoiding you. We do not have to talk about that, ever” Dean cut him off.

“But Dean…”

“Ever. Cas. Ever.” Dean emphasised, “I don't like this universe. I need to get out of this universe.” The last muttered under his breath.

Sam was howling with laughter, there were actual tears.

“And you can shut up too,” he added.

The roar of the engine was the only noise for the rest of the ride, well that and Sam’s occasional mirth.

The motel was generic, beige and two stories high. The rain had slowed to a fine drizzle. They avoided it by standing under the cover of the second story balcony. The huge purple sign read ‘Life and Dice Motel’ but it was hard to make out the words as they’d faded with time. Sam went to speak to the Clerk at the reception desk. Cas tried his best to sense Jack, a slow grimace appearing on his face. Dean stuck with him but created some distance while he worked. He drifted into his own thoughts while keeping a lookout. Why was he having such a tough time with this? They’d been in weird places before, awkward situations but this was...different.

“Dean. I’m not sensing Jack. If he was here, he isn't anymore.” Cas advised. They’d figured out that Cas and Jack had this connection, like Angel GPS. It usually came in handy, but apparently not so much today.

Dean was so far inside his own head that when Cas touched him he jumped a mile, to make matters worse he almost fell over.

“Shit Cas.” he jerked backwards and regretted it. The hurt was visible in Cas’s confused expression. Those big bright eyes did not understand the issue, he touched Dean all the time and usually, it wasn’t a problem.

Come on Dean pull your shit together.

“I’m sorry Cas.” Dean apologised and moved closer to his friend.

“I Understand. This is...difficult.” Cas replied, and Dean felt like even more of a dick, he usually did when Cas was so being understanding.

This universe was affecting them both. Cas seemed to have regressed a little, he was really quiet.

“Cas are you okay? Dean was pissed at himself for leaving it this long to ask.

“This universe is, itchy. I’ll be happy to find Jack and get home.”

“Itchy, yeah that’s one word for it.”’ Dean smiled and rolled his shoulders.

Sam ran back towards them with his ‘nothing to tell’ expression and shook his head.

“They haven’t seen him in a few days.” he added, “Doesn’t mean much though.’

“Did you get his room number?” Dean asked.

“What do you think this is the amateur hour?” Sam scolded but added a smile then started walking across the lot to room number eight.

The room was quiet, he tried the door the handle and it turned. Pushing it slowly Sam took out his gun, Dean joined him. They stepped in and a guy was rummaging in Jack’s draws, he back was to them so they moved quietly.

“Stop, turn around slowly,” Sam ordered the man wearing blue flannel.

“Balls…” The man cursed and Sam let his gun fall to the side.

“Getting slow Bobby.” he scolded with humour.

“I have a gun you know.”

“Bobby?” Dean froze, stunned.

A confused Bobby glanced at Sam, “Is he okay?”

“Bobby, this isn’t our Dean and Cas. They’re from a different reality.” Sam explained,

“Seriously?” He took a breath and let it out slowly, “Another reality...?” then he stared at Dean like he was playing spot the difference. “...and I thought I’d had too much whiskey last night…” 

“Yeah and apparently you bit the big one over there…” Sam added, shifting on his feet.

“Ah. Well, that’s just great.” Bobby moved over to Dean to shake his hand and Dean just stood there dumbstruck. He knew that Bobby was alive and kicking in this reality, it was another thing to see him in the flesh. His Bobby, not an alternate. It took him a minute to adjust.

“Cas.” Bobby took the angels hand.

“What are you doing here?” Sam asked.

“The guy staying here is some kind of monster, haven’t figured out what yet. You two hunting this thing?”

“Jack is not a thing.” Cas spat out.

Dean was getting concerned by Cas’s mood swings.

“Whoa, okay let me explain.’” Sam interjected.

So Sam did the rundown and Bobby’s eyes got wider and wider as the story progressed.

“Well that’s some of the weirdest shit I’ve ever heard but yeah, I’ll help you find him. That’s what I was doin’ anyway.”

Dean became uncomfortable as Bobby stared at him. Cas though didn't flinch under the examination.

“It’s just eerie ain’t it?” Bobby said addressing Sam.

“Oh yeah,” Sam replied, nodding.

They decided, after looking around, that Jack hadn’t left much behind. There wasn’t anything useful that could help them find him.

Driving back to the bunker they picked up take-out. Pizza was the food of choice and as they ate a comfortable banter started.

Dean was asked questions about his universe, Cas was asked some about Jack and it was less weird than before. Dean had ended up next to his double, not really sure how that had happened. Cas was to his right, Sam was next to Cas-two on the opposite side and Bobby at the end of the table.

The D2 cuddled Cas as they ate and at one point Dean watched his Cas watching them. The expression was one he couldn’t put his finger on.

Bobby interrupted his thoughts by asking for a box of pizza and that sucked him back to the honeymoon talk. The newlyweds were supposed to be going to Canada to ski. Cas’s idea obviously and Dean had actually agreed to get on a plane.

“You don't like flying either huh?” Dean asked D2.

The man shook his head, “No, I don’t.”

“Then why not just zap there?” He asked.

“In case something goes wrong and Cas has to run for some reason.”

“Prepare for the worst huh?” and D2 nodded.

“Why Canada?” Dean added.

“Cas loves snow.” The answer was dead-pan with an accompanying frown.

Dean’s Cas grinned at the idea of skiing. The things he didn't know about the Angel still amazed him. His heart throbbed and Dean decided this universe was broken. All this mushy stuff was seeping into his skin like a virus. Yes, he decided, this universe had weird lovey chemicals or something.

The subject had changed while he’d bee pondering.

“Bobby was my best man.” The other Dean said.

Cas was leaning forward chewing on a slice, engrossed.

“My speech was brilliant,” Bobby added.

“Your speech was short.” Sam laughed.

Dean was curious, “Yeah, what was it?”

Sam coughed, clearing throat. “He said, ‘I’ve known these two boys for a long time and I love’em like my own.’ Then turns to them and says ‘It’s about time you two eejits made it official.and then finished with ‘Now let’s get to celebratin’ and downed a shot.”

They all laughed. Yep, sounded like Bobby.

“Jody gave me hell for it when we got home.” he moaned, “Said it wasn’t deep enough, I was like, what do I look like Dr Phil? I said the boys didn’t wanna hear me yammerin’ on about my feelings."

Everyone at the table laughed.

“You’re with Jody?” Dean asked wide-eyed and Bobby grinned.

“Sure am, three years now. Claire and Alex live with us at the yard.”

“Wow, that’s great.” Then he thought of something, “Wait...How come Sam wasn't the best man?”

“He was mine.” Cas-two said, "My first choice was Anna but she was been detained last minute so Sam offered."

“Ahhh, okay.”

As they chatted it became clear that things were very similar but things were different as well. They compared and contrasted for hours. Then Sam mentioned Chuck.

“ Chuck came out as God ages ago?” Dean asked.

“Yes,” Cas-two replied. “It’s about ten years now.”

“Wow.” Dean stretched his hands out on the table, “So he gets more involved?”

“Yeah, when he wants too.” D2 started, “Sometimes he likes to watch it play out. Something about balance…”

Dean cocked his head, “Balance?”

Cas-two picked up the conversation, “Light and Dark. Good, evil. He can't always step in.”

“I get it.”

Dean wasn't sure if he did get it. However, even with the ‘drama’ as Bobby called it, they still seemed to have more people than in Dean's universe. It made him angry but it was like he couldn’t hold on to it. Weird.

They ended up speaking for hours. It was nice and relaxed. Cas and his doppelganger disappeared for a while. It made Dean a little nervous but they returned no worse for wear. The evening with whiskey and pie then Dean slunk off to bed around one.

Sleep came quickly. It was deep and consuming which made sense; it had been a long day. It was the first time he'd slept without drowning in whiskey since Michael and it was... different. He wouldn’t remember this but he dreamt, not of the usual horrors but of a dark-haired angel playing in the snow.


	6. "There ain't no me if there ain't no you."

Waking up was, well, nice. He drifted up from the peaceful dark, feather light and well rested. The bed wasn't his and he noticed it immediately then the memories of yesterday flooded back en mass. 

"Right, the creepy love universe. Awesome," he whispered into the dark. Then realised it really was dark and he'd left the light off. Since Michael, the light was always on. Huh, interesting.  
Dean thoughts drifted to Cas, where was he? He should go find him. Rolling from the bed and stretching reminded him how good he felt. Nothing ached or hurt and his mind seemed crystal clear. Shrugging on his Jeans and T-shirt he made his way to the kitchen. The smell of food was always a good thing in Dean’s book. Anytime, anywhere. 

Walking into the kitchen made it feel like any other morning. Sam was cooking. “Breakfast done?” He asked, smelling pancakes and oh yeah, bacon.

“Yeah, the boys aren’t up yet and your Cas is in the shower.” Sam flicked a pancake onto a huge stack. Eyeing the food mountain his stomach grumbled. What was everyone else was going to eat?

Dean eyed coffee and made his way over to the pot. 

"You got a.-"

"Mugs on the sink." Sam interrupted. 

The oversized ceramic was black. The slogan read 'No-one puts Baby in the corner,' With an outline of his car underneath in white. 

Snickering, he went to pour coffee.

"Like the mug huh?" Sam asked. 

"Yeah." He nodded, "Someone has a sense of humour." 

"That'd be Cas, he thinks them up occasionally and the orders them online."

"There are more?" Dean asked, curious and Sam nodded pointing at the cupboard with the spatula.

Dean moved in that direction, his boots slapping on the cold hard floor. There were mugs of all shapes and sizes, but the slogan mugs were large, black, white, red and grey. He took them out and admired them one by one. 

The first said, 'Welcome to the dark side, we have bacon.'

"I like that one," Dean commented to Sam as he turned. 

"Yeah, that was the first one. Cas found it online and thought it was funny. That Angel has an e-bay addiction like nothing you've ever seen."

"Huh." Dean chuckled and went back to the mugs.

The next was red with black writing. It read, 'Leaves are falling all around, It's time I was on my way. Thanks to you I'm much obliged, For such a pleasant stay, But now it's time for me to go, The autumn moon lights my way.' 

"Dude this is awesome." Dean laughed. 

"That one was Cas' first go at making his own, the internet created a monster." He grinned and sipped his own coffee. 

Dean lifted the grey one, 'My Patronus is an air guitar.' It had a wand on it and the outline of an electric guitar on the other side. Dean turned to Sam and held it up with a quizzical expression. 

Sam chuckled, "Cas watched the Harry Potter movies, over and over, for a week; the downsides of not sleeping. He's an addict on all sides. Dean got dragged in and made a comment, so - mug." 

Dean stopped when he saw the next one and laughed hard. "And this one?" he asked Sam. 

"Ah yeah, that was retaliation for the Harry Potter marathon, Dean made Cas watch Scooby Doo."

The mug was white and it read, 'I am so over this damsel in distress nonsense.' The image was what got him. It was Daphne from Scooby Doo and she was carrying a cartoon Dean in her arms. The cartoon dean was swooning dramatically. 

Dean laughed harder, "I need this in my life." He said to Sam while he replaced the mugs and then moved over to get more coffee. 

"Yeah Cas is kinda funny," Sam added as he sat on a stool warming large hands on his cup. 

Dean smiled, "Yeah he is." His stomach growled, "Can I eat? I'm starved."

"Sure but would you mind going to wake the others first?" Sam asked, "And I'll put you a plate together and get more coffee on?" 

“Yeah, sure.” He left and walked towards what used to be an old storage room. 

Yesterday, Sam had told him, that they had changed it into a large bedroom. The whole thing still unnerved him. Shaking it off he walked swiftly, eager to get back to food.

The bunker had thick walls so he didn't hear anything until he could almost see through the crack in the door. By then it was too late. The sight that greeted him had been burned into this brain for life. 

The room was misty with heat. Sweat dripped along their tanned skin. From his position, by the door, Dean could see the pleasure, the rapture on Cas-two's face. D2 was on his knees buried balls deep inside his tight ass. 

Dean swallowed hard. 

D2's chest was flush against Cas’ back, they were both panting. Hard. D2 kissed the Angel's shoulders while Cas gripped his own throbbing cock tight. Sliding his foreskin over and over the slick glistening head, he groaned. Then a growl as Deans fingers dug into his hips. D2 rolled his groin and Cas fell forward hands finding the sheets in a death grip. "Shit Dean." He moaned. 

Hearing his name gasped through Cas’s gritted teeth caused Dean to panic.  
Cas followed up with begging his lover to go harder. To go faster and that almost undid Dean as he watched the two men in the throes of passion.

The slap of skin as D2 moved was disturbing but also erotic and Dean tried to look away, lord knows he did. A fine tremble started in his limbs as he watched himself do something he’d only thought of in passing. Though he would never admit that, ever. The rush of blood to his most sensitive and suddenly hardest part was overwhelming. 

Cas bent forward, face in the sheets so that the hunter could get better leverage to fuck him. 

“God. I love you Cas.” D2 breathed as he thrust into his husband. His head lolled back as he revelled in the feeling of that tight sexy ass clenching his throbbing dick. Dean watched his doppelganger as he shuddered with the exquisite pleasure. They panted, groaned and fucked like they were the only two people in the world. 

Dean backed away and nearly face planted the wall. Then he did something he wasn’t proud of; he ran. 

Coward, his internal voice chastised.

The entrance hall was cool and spacious, and he decided to chill for a while before returning to Sam. Though even after five minutes he still felt like his heart was going to go all ‘Alien’ then tear out of his chest. The shaking had slowed but he still didn't feel normal. Just calm the hell down, it’s like porn, he tried to convince himself. Yet knew it wasn’t anything at all like porn. Pacing until he could breathe, he made his way back to the kitchen. 

“You find them?” Sam asked as Dean entered. 

“They were, er, busy.” Dean offered, sweating. 

“They left the door open again didn't they?” Sam laughed at Dean’s expression. 

Dean nodded trying to hide his stricken features. Sam grinned, only a little sympathetic. Yes, he was finding it hilarious.

“Sorry, that must have been traumatising for you.” 

Dean fought the urge to punch him. 

The guys turned up fifteen minutes later when Dean had eaten half of the pancakes. Swallowing hard at their entrance he caught the eye of his alternate and the guy winked at him. 

“Enjoy the show?” His mirror image asked with a smirk, eyebrow raised.

Dean coughed as the pancake got stuck, that guy was such a dick. What was with these people and making him choke on his food?

Cas-two grabbed D2 and asked what he wanted to eat, a bare arm wrapping around his waist casually.

“There’s more batter in the fridge” Sam advised.

D2 scowled at his counterparts rapidly emptying plate. 

“I’ll put the griddle on.” The Cas-two offered.

“He cooks too huh?” Dean grinned, finding bravery in snark.

“Yeah, he does everything,” D2 said with a look, which implied that Dean should know.

“I’m sensing some tension.” Cas ventured, mixing the batter and dropping it onto the hot plate with an intense expression. 

“Dean came to get you earlier,” Sam commented and the angel flushed red. 

“You knew he was there?” 

“Maybe.” D2 grinned. Hugging and kissing Cas hard on the mouth.

“Exhibitionist.” he scolded playfully. 

Dean was amazed at the interaction, it was effortless. He’d never seen himself so well adjusted and relaxed. Heart rate picked up as they cuddled, he stared at his plate. 

Pancakes made, Cas-two moved over to Dean and sat opposite him. It made him feel weird, though he couldn’t put his finger on why. Maybe it was the sexual encounter of the explicit kind? Yeah, that was it.

“He’s jealous,” Cas-two whispered as he sipped his coffee. Dean could smell the honey from here.

“What?” 

“He’s jealous, of you.” The Angel laughed.

“But I’m...He’s me. That makes no sense.” Confusion saturated Dean’s tone and made Cas laugh harder. 

“That’s it though, isn’t it? Who else would bother him? He’s so secure, he knows I love him. Only him, but you, you’re him. No one else would have a look in.” he grinning flirtatiously. Dean had never seen a look like that on his Cas’ face. Sam who sat on the other side of the table and nodded confirmation. 

Right, yeah, this just got weirder. His Cas entered a few minutes later and he wasn’t certain it helped. 

D2 flirted mercilessly with Cas, all smiles and innuendo. It made the man’s husband glare playfully and roll his eyes in response. The atmosphere was interesting. Dean was so completely confused that he played it safe and kept on eating. Surely, if he ignored it he could get the hell out of here soon.

"I forgot how much I love this trench coat." D2 smiled at Cas and ran his finger down the lapel, moving closer to the Angel. Cas looked at Dean with wide eyes, having no clue how to deal with the invasion of his personal space.

Dean froze.

"Dean?" Cas addressed D2 finally finding his voice, "We talked about this?" 

D2 gazed at Cas and murmured, "huh?"

"Personal space?" 

D2 laughed and smiled at the shorter man, "I'm sorry. It's just making me crazy having two of you around. The things I could do..."

Dean heard a growl, it was low, seething and hella scary. They all turned at once and stared at him. His jaw hurt and then he realised his teeth were clenched so hard his face was going numb in places. The growl had come from him and the realisation made his jaw slack. 

D2 stepped away from Cas and smiled. "Sorry if I overstepped dude." The sheepishness was in the tight skin around his eyes. Yet, not in the smirk on his face as he turned back to Dean. That was simply victorious. 

"I'm okay Dean," Cas said as he blinked in Dean's direction. 

Dean took a shuddering breath and let it out slowly. Cas-two was leaning back on his stool staring with wide eyes. 

"I need to go for a walk," Dean said as he left the kitchen. He strode quickly which turned into a run, then up the stairs of the bunker into the cool morning air. The deep gulping breaths he took steadied him a little. What the hell was that? He thought. "Get a grip Dean!" it was yelled out loud. Falling against the wall of the bunker he slid down to his ass. The cold seeped into his skin through his jeans and he wished he'd grabbed a jacket.

"Here, I brought your jacket." Cas-two moved slowly towards him like he was a cornered tiger. 

Dean looked up at him with confused, angry eyes. 

"Don't look at me like that or I'll hug you and neither of us wants that." He smiled tightly. 

"Thanks." The laugh was dry and pained. Cas slid down the wall a foot away from Dean. His black jeans covered bare feet, they were a touch too long and it made Dean smile. They were his jeans, that's why they were too long. A warm glow pushed at his heart and he panicked. 

"I don't know what's happening to me..." Dean stared at Cas-two searching for answers. 

The Angel shrugged, it was smooth and slow. "I don't know Dean but you'll be okay. Whatever happens, you'll be okay." Cas-two rolled to his feet. "I should get back." 

Dean looked at the ground and before he knew what he was doing he said, "Stay? Just a little longer?"

Cas-two smiled, not that Dean could see it and then slid back down the wall. They sat in silence for an hour before Dean felt he could face his Cas. Eventually, though, he went back into the bunker. 

Cas was in the makeshift lounge with Sam when he skulked back in.

"Feeling better?" Cas asked him and Dean nodded then threw himself into a sofa chair. 

They didn't speak only watched TV while Sam and Cas-two figured out the next move. 

The morning took a turn a few hours later. Sam had gone to get lunch, and the other four were alone. Sitting around the library tables, they discussed where to check next. Then Cas' froze and gasped as his eyes rolled back in his head. The whites were all that showed.

“Shit, Cas!” Dean yelled, jumping from his seat, “What the hell is happening?” 

“Someone is attempting to contact him on a celestial plane.” Cas-two reassured him, “Don’t worry, it’s not hurting him.”

“You’re sure?” Dean started to snap but it ended worried, whiney. 

Cas-two nodded and held D2’s hand.

Cas shook for a few minutes and then his eyes returned back to normal. Dean tried not to show how relieved he was as he put his hand on Cas’s shoulder.

“Jack,” Cas muttered through heavy panting, fighting for breath.

“What was that Cas?” 

“Jack contacted me or tried too. Images...and pain.” The expression on his face was drawn and desolate. 

“They have him Dean, the Angels.” Cas stood as if to leave, “I have to go.”

“Go? Cas, just wait a damn minute…” Dean was left talking to air. 

“Damn it.” 

Dean cursed Jack for fixing Cas’ wings. It was a good thing but he hadn’t missed the random vanishing.

“I can find him. I think they’re still in town, he hasn’t gone far” said Cas-two. 

“Babe, no, you're not getting mixed up in this!” D2 scolded, fear in his tone. 

“We can help, you know he can’t do this alone.” Looking into his partners' eyes he added, “We’re better together you know we are. I need you with me on this Dean.” 

The doppelganger scowled and then raised his gaze to the ceiling.

As Dean watched, he could see his counterparts resolve fade. It melted away with the passing seconds. Yeah, I know that look, Dean thought with a smirk, then buried the accompanying feelings... way down. 

D2 lowered his head against his Angels, closing his eyes. “Go get the stuff and I’ll fill him in on how we work.” Kissing his angel on the forehead he stepped away. 

Cas vanished with a snap of air.

Dean stood at the end of the table watching, this shit was so insane…

As his mirror image walked towards him, Dean noted the change with awe. The softness faded away and irritation crept in. This Dean he recognised, he saw him every morning in the mirror.

“Dean.” he addressed the tense looking man.

“Dean.” the alternate replied. 

Yep, like looking in a mirror. 

“I’m going to talk, and you’re going to listen.” D2 started, pulling out a chair and motioning for him to sit.

Dean had a feeling that this wasn't going to be one of those ‘baseball and whiskey, getting to know ya’ kinda' talks. 

“Don’t say what you’re thinking.” he added, “It’s not as funny as you think it is.”

Dean frowned, I’m hilarious. The chastisement took him by surprise so he kept his internal monologue to himself. They’d not done much talking him and well...him. This new talkative Dean was an interesting change of pace.

“I know you.” he started, “I know your expressions, your games, your...everything because I was you, I am you.” the hard tone was there, one he knew well; this guy was serious. 

“So when I tell you this next part, I want you to understand how utterly fucking serious I am. Got it?” 

Dean just nodded shocked at the sudden aggression.

“That man, that Angel, will help you because you’re me. He loves you because you’re me. He will kill for you, die for you…”  
The pause was frustrated, which he took out on his own face as he scrubbed it with a hand. Breathing deeply he returned to his speech, 

“...Because he can’t do anything else. You don’t know that about him yet, maybe you’ve seen bits and pieces. The touches of his love, his loyalty to you. I know you see some of it, you feel some of it. I know it’s hard, it’s confusing and you’re fighting it. Like you fight everything because God forbid that you let yourself be happy. God forbid you become something other than what you thought Dad wanted you to be..."

He rubbed his face with both hands this time, "...Sorry. That was… never mind.” he breathed deeply again,

“Maybe you aren’t ready to face it, maybe you never will and maybe that’s the difference between us? I don’t know. What I do know is that he is everything. He means everything to me. Do you understand? He is my whole god damn universe and if he gets hurt, if even one tiny hair on his perfect head is out of place. You have my promise Dean…it won't be the monsters that get you. The last thing you’ll see before you die will be me."


	7. " I have my version, and you have yours."

Dean sat stunned; he didn't think he’d ever seen that much raw emotion on his own face, well, ever. He didn't even know he had the capacity to feel that way about anyone, let alone Cas. 

“Yeah.” he choked out. 

They sat and stared at each other until Cas-two reappeared. “You two playing nice?” 

“Yeah, just explaining to Dean here about how we work as a team, none of that lone ranger shit I know he’s prone too.” He stood and wrapped his arm around his angel's waist before nuzzling his neck. 

“You were threatening him weren’t you?” 

“Would I do that?” He smiled softly into Cas-two's jaw. The move was tender, intimate and sexy as hell. 

“You doing okay there Dean? You’re looking a little...tense.” D2 said. He made ‘tense’ sound more than it was, almost erotic. 

He watched his counterpart slide his hand up Cas-two's face turning his mouth to his own. The kiss was a caress of lips. Cas-two’s face went slack as his husband took the bottom lip between his own. 

Dean’s brow rose as they fell deeper, he wanted to look away, really he did. As the hunter grabbed Cas-two’s butt, his whole body ignited. He let out a breathless moan, it's was barely audible but it scared him. Stupid itchy universe.

D2 turned as the kiss came to its natural end, a satisfied smile played on his lips.

“See babe, I told you, he feels it.” The smirk was all flirt and a touch of evil. 

“That was, mean,” Cas-two replied, breathless. 

“You didn’t like it my little honey bee?” 

Dean coughed, uncomfortable at the weird pet names. 

D2 laughed again, a deep chuckle that was full of mirth. Cas-two rolled his eyes. Dean wasn’t sure if the nickname was a serious thing or just to make him uncomfortable, maybe both? 

“I love you Dean but you’re evil.” he laughed, getting his breath back then shuffled as if to get comfortable. 

Dean wasn’t looking at the Angel's crotch, nope. 

“Can we go now?” Dean asked, impatient at the delay.

The couple pulled away from each other, D2 grabbed his kit then headed to the door. Cas-two told them the rough direction they were to head in and then vanished. 

“You let him go alone?” Confused after the speech he’d had to endure. Dean was trying to understand the dynamic. 

“He can handle himself; he’ll meet us on the road.” 

“Why doesn’t he just zap us?”

“Things can go wrong, so we always take the car.”

“Sam coming?”

“Yeah Cas called him, he’s bringing Bobby and they’ll meet us there.” 

Dean thought it was nice to have so much backup, even if it was like being in a Schwarzenegger style clone movie. 

They made their way outside. Dean held back and watched them walk together. Shaking his head didn't help him feel any less confused. 

“Nice car,” Dean said when he got into the Impala. 

“Sam said you called the colour, what was it? Oh yeah. Gay?” D2 glared. 

“Yeah, sorry about that…” he was verbally backed into a corner. “Not that I was saying anything about, that, or anything…”

“Dude you need to relax. So me and Cas are a thing, you don't need to be so weird about it.” 

“Dude, how can I not be weird about it.”

Dean tried to hide in the passenger seat, already regretting this conversation. 

“So we are going to do this? Okay. I’m down” D2 huffed out.

“Do what?” 

“Where you ask me how I can fuck a guy. Then I explain my life choices, but only because it’s you.” 

The silence that followed was awkward, strained. 

“I feel privileged” Sarcasm rolled from Dean as he found his brave side. “You wanna do that?”

“No, but I’m going to.” he sighed, exasperated.

Dean glanced at his doppelganger and took a deep breath. “Dude, I see that he’s great and a good looking guy, I'm blind. I get it; honestly... don't get me wrong but…

“But there’s a line, right?” D2 interrupted, “That’s what you tell yourself? You don't like men? You don’t think about him that way” he went on, “Any of this feeling familiar?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Dean replied, not seeing the problem.

“News flash, you’re lying to yourself.”

Dean glared at him as D2 drove. The rain had stopped and the sun was cracking through the clouds.

“I saw you watching us and dude, you were right there with me. I saw it. “

Dean stayed silent.

“Nothing huh? You’re not even going to comment.” D2 prodded, “You stood and watched for three whole minutes, Dean. Yeah, it could have been the shock but you were glued. I saw it in your eyes.”

“I…” Dean tried for words but they evaded him. So D2 carried on the conversation alone.

“...and also I’m in love with Cas, it doesn't matter if he’s currently a guy.”

“What? Cas is a guy...” Confusion filled Dean’s tone as he emphasised the ‘is’. 

“No, Cas is inside Novak's body. Cas is an Angel.” The hunter explained, “Jeez was I ever this dense?” 

Dean was about to throw a sarcastic comment back when a whoosh of air preceded Cas-two’s arrival. 

“Yes, you were.” he grinned, “We need to get to the old warehouse at the end of town, they have Cas and Jack. He informed them, “They’re confused by the Nephilim but that won't stop them for long. Anna has been monitoring the situation but could only get word to me now”

“How did they even get him?” D2 asked. 

“Jack wasn’t at full mojo” Dean replied, “It got stolen.”

Cas-two looked horrified…“Who would do that?” 

“Lucifer?” 

“Ah okay.” 

“Dick move,” D2 added. Dean nodded in agreement. 

Cas leaned over from the back and kissed his Dean on the cheek, “I better get back and watch them.” 

His husband nodded, added "Be careful.” and he was gone again.

“What?” D2 asked.

“He always looks so weird in regular people clothes…” 

D2 laughed, “Yeah it took a while to get too used to it, and he mostly just wears mine.” 

Dean could feel an expression on his face but wasn't sure what it was. He’d figured that they were his clothes yesterday but it freaked him out that he was right. 

They turned a corner, the world opened up to endless fields. Apparently, they were ignoring the previous conversation.

“He washes them, so figure he should get to wear them right?” 

Dean stared at him.

“Dude, you’re so repressed.” D2 laughed glancing at his double. 

Dean shrugged, not sure how to reply and so he stuck to admiring the view.

They enjoyed the scenery a while and Dean mulled things over. Yet again curiosity got the best of him. He considered his question and then thought, well no one will know right? “How did you know?” he whispered, freaked out. 

His double glanced at him for a second, assessing how to answer, “You already know Dean. I know that you know, and that’s what scares you. You know it right now. He just fits, he fits me; us.”

Dean nodded, not sure he got it but maybe he wasn’t the same as this Dean. He didn’t know. At least he didn’t think he knew. His brain hurt.

“You’re confused…” D2 observed and Dean shrugged.

“It’s like this, I worry about him but not like I worry about Sammy or Mom. If shit hits the fan Cas can leave Novak and find another Vessel. Cas is light, he’s almost indestructible.”

Sam had said the same thing, Cas was pretty indestructible and he could see the appeal. 

“He’s good and kind. He does his best, you know?” The alternate paused taking a breath. 

“He only sees me. Which I know seems selfish but I’ve always felt like he really sees me, more than anyone else. He always comes after me, whatever we’re dealing with and I know I could be on another planet and he would come and find me.”

“Yeah, he would.” The confirmation slipped from Dean's lips before he could stop it. “But, he has, you know...he’s not a girl.” 

D2 laughed, it was deep and rough. “Yeah freaked me out at first, but I realised that actually, the issues were all in my head.”

Dean stared at him then laughed, “You sound like you went to therapy.” 

D2 shrugged, “Kinda, whatever works right?” 

Dean coughed, his eyes wide, “Are you serious?” 

D2 nodded. “I had too. I had to tell someone, to let it out. I was going insane. It was a mess in here.” He pressed his finger to his temple, “And here,” then to his chest. He sighed, “Sam was going nuts with it. I was out with any woman that would have me. Cas had moved out because he’d declared his undying fucking love and he couldn't deal with my shit. Everyone was bitching at me to go fix myself.” 

The pained expression on D2’s face made Dean wince. 

“And you listened?”

“The first sixty times? No.” he laughed. 

“What changed?” 

D2 flashed back into the memory as he recounted it. 

He was in the grungy bar near the local motel and had been hiding there every night. The bartender was tall, slim and pretty. She always served him and then brushed him off but tonight she engaged him. She took one look at him and asked, ‘Who broke your heart hun?’ Dean winced as he sipped his whiskey. For the first time, the truth passed his lips, “Me.” 

“Guy or girl?” Dean’s eyes went wide at the question. 

“Do I look gay?” he rebutted with his patented smirk. 

“No, but does anyone?” the bartender smirked back. “Can I guess?” she asked and Dean nodded. 

“The guy in the trench that checks on you sometimes.” she glanced at him and watched his jaw drop, “How did you?...” 

She smiled and it was soft, full of care. “Oh sugar, I’ve been doing this a long time. I'm older then I look and I can spot a couple a mile away.” Grabbing a glass to polish she introduced herself, "I'm Cham." She pronounced it Cam with a silent 'h'. 

Dean baulked, “I'm Dean...and we’re not-” 

Cham held up her hand, “Yeah you are. The way he looks at you, it’s like you’re his light in the dark. You know he’s always so nice to the girls you take home too, like a brother. He doesn't get jealous or anything just watches you take them home with big sad eyes.” 

Dean took another swig of his whiskey, he was starting to shake. 

“...and you. When you smile at him; it’s so different from how you smile at the girls. It’s genuine. It’s real. That’s why I avoided you, I figured you were trying to upset him or something and that’s a dick move because he’s nice. Then I realised last night that you were in the closet, like Narnia, deep in the forest, style.” 

“How?” Dean asked as he choked on his whiskey.

“He came in here and asked about you.” She said and it was so casual it took Dean a second to register. 

“Cas was here?” 

“See, can't you hear that? The hope in your voice, Jesus, it’s almost painful.” 

Dean turned away, nursed his drink and felt like crap. 

“Yeah, he came, asked how you were. I said the usual and he looked so fucking sad, it damn near broke my heart.” 

Dean glanced at her as she continued, “He stayed and we chatted. He loves you, in like the epic romance kinda way.” her laugh was dry, “He’s strange but I got him. So I figured it was my civic duty to try and help.” 

“Help how?” Dean's eyes narrowed. 

“I watch a lot of Oprah and I’ve seen this episode, so here goes. Close your eyes.” She laughed again as Dean looked at her like she was joking. 

“Seriously?” and Cham nodded, “Yes jack-ass seriously.” 

“Fine.” Dean begrudgingly obeyed. 

“Now imagine your guy.” and he wanted to object but decided it was stupid. 

“Now feel it all. All the little things that make you smile.” 

Dean did and it was like hammering his soul with shotgun rounds. 

“Now imagine he’s gone, forever.” 

Something inside Dean broke and he hissed. “Shit.”  
He looked at her with wide eyes, “Listen, sometimes the physical stuff stops us knowing where our hearts lie but if you’re who this Cas says you are... The way he speaks about you, well, you’re adaptable. Human’s are so good at adapting if they only let themselves. All these hang-ups you have are what stops you from being happy and why? Because he has different parts or because you're scared of what people will think about you?” she sighed, “You’re both miserable and I bet fucking the entire bar isn't making you feel better is it?”  
Dean shook his head, really it wasn’t  
“But when I said his name?” She beamed, “You lit up. Like a weight had been lifted.” Draping her arms over the beer taps she added, “Don’t try to do it all at once, just take each day as it comes but at least realise that how you feel is okay. He loves you…”

Dean stared at her for a long-ass minute and then took a shuddering breath. 

“It’s too hard…”

“Cas? Was it?” Cham asked.

Dean nodded. 

“He makes out that you're some sort of warrior." She narrows her eyes, “Like a soldier?” 

Dean nodded. 

“You don't scare easy, I can tell. So stop letting fear make you her bitch. 

Dean glared, “I’m not…” 

“-No, I know. You're not a coward." She sighed, "so stop letting fear rule you.” 

They glared at each other for several long seconds. Then Dean broke and downed the rest of his drink. Slamming the glass got him a scowl but then Cham smiled as he met her gaze. 

She took his hand which was resting on the bar and he flinched. "Just try it on, just say it out loud. Baby steps, you know?"  
Dean clenched his fists as she moved away, he could feel tears rising as he fought himself for some sliver of courage. Showing all of the objections down and swallowing hard he formed the sentence that had changed his life, “Fuck…” he whispered, “I think I'm in love with Cas.” 

D2 wrapped up the tale as an engrossed Dean gawked from the passenger seat. 

“Listen, you don’t have to admit you're in love with him...but at least realise that what you have is more than friends. Start trying to see him outside of that box because dude, I’m so much happier with him it’s unreal.” 

 

Dean glanced at his double who had returned to driving; silence filled the car and lasted the rest of the way. Thankfully, it was only a few minutes because he needed out, his brain was pounding from all the information. He’d not discussed anything this deep in almost ever and wanted something to take the edge off. Hopefully, he’d get to kill something soon.

They arrived moments later. The warehouse was like any of the ten million that they’d been dragged too over the years. This one had originally been an electrical storage place or something due to all the old style T.V’s outside. It was small, only one story and the grey paint was almost all peeled off. 

The Cas-two appeared as they got out of the car. 

“What have you been talking about?” he said immediately then walked over to D2 and wrapping him a full body hug. The guy hadn't even said anything...what the hell?

“You,” D2 replied smiling, it was soft and full of love. They pulled apart but only a little.

Cas-two’s hands were at the base of Dean’s skull, cupping his head while his eyes searched the taller man's. D2 arms around Cas-two’s waist. 

“You’re…” Cas asked.

“Yeah…” D2 replied. 

They both smiled and Dean had no idea what was happening. Cas-two was back to business as he stepped away. “There are three of them inside; Raziel is leading the interrogation, not Uriel like I thought”

“I’m sorry what?” Dean scowled at him; the word ‘interrogation’ was not one he responded well to. “That’s it I’m going in.”

“Whoa, hold on Skippy.” His counterpart said grabbing his shoulder. They had a staredown. 

“You can’t expect me to stand here and…”

“What? Wait until we have the layout? How about you, I don’t know... don't get us killed?” D2 dragged him backwards. 

Brushing his shirt of imaginary dust he retorted, “Don’t touch me.” then added, “Fine Clone Wars, what’s the plan? But make it quick because I’m going in now.” 

“Babe, can you free the other, er you and their friend while we do the distraction bit?” His double instructed then paused before adding, “That should give us enough juice to kill them all if we have to, but we’ll try talking first. Raziel is way up there on the crazy scale and I wanna see if we can keep it civil. They haven’t hurt them yet?” 

“No, they have been keeping it verbal, except...” 

The response from Cas-two got Dean’s attention he didn’t like the implication, “Except?”

“...They’re siphoning Jack’s grace, to keep him subdued. That’s the pain your Castiel felt.” Cas sighed, “It’s barbaric...”

“I’m going to kill them all…” Dean growled and felt sick. Jack had just got back to near normal and now these butt-monkeys were doing what Lucifer did. Fuck, the kid couldn't get a break. 

“It’s not hurting him at the moment. Anna really is keeping them under control. Which is interesting because she’s in heaven, she must have some influence over Raziel that I was unaware of.”

“This universe gets wackier every second” he pondered. Then he asked; “Raziel’s a new one on me, what kind of crazy are we talking?”

His double considered for a second and then replied. “He's somewhere between Lucifer and Uriel but with a tighter leash. Well most days and has less power.” 

Awesome, Dean thought. This day keeps getting better and better.

“He likes to talk though, so that should keep him busy for a while,” D2 added.

“Please don’t antagonise him too much,” Castiel asked, his expression exasperated. 

“Babe, he’s insane and he hurt you and I’m not letting that stand, ever,” D2 growled the word hurt and Dean knew that tone. That was the tone that held the promise of vengeance and pain. 

“You’ll just make it worse…” Cas-two started, “I know you like to defend my honour Dean but I don't want you to get hurt.” The angel wrapped his hand in his husbands. 

“Like you did?” He replied scowling.

Dean was becoming impatient, “Err, can you two have a domestic later?”

They ignored him but Cas changed the subject and explained the layout. 

With that done, they loaded their guns and strapped on angel blades. 

“You got a problem?” D2 asked.

“Nope, it’s your rodeo. Let’s just get in there” 

“Let’s go then.”

Dean smiled, finally he thought; something normal.


	8. ''Well, as Shakespeare once said, eat me, dickbag.''

They moved with purpose. Cas-two vanished, his job was to place Angel banishments on the doors then go in. Once both Cas’ got Jack out, the plan was for them to leave and return to the bunker. The guys would flush the Angels rather than kill them, it was safer and quicker.

Hopefully, Bobby and Sam would turn up soon because having backup was always a good thing. Dean followed D2, around to the back doors. They entered without fanfare, armed to the teeth.

Cas dropped in next to his counterpart who was tied to a chair, as was Jack who looked exhausted and pale. The room was wide and open with a dusting of boxes and the Angels were talking amongst themselves. Dean made eye contact with his friends and asked,

“Cas, Jack...you okay?”

They mumbled ‘yes’ together as the Angels turned towards them.

“Raziel,” Cas-two said. 

“Castiel, how? How are there two of you?” The tall blonde man scrutinised them. Dean watched as he clasped his hands together. It became a prayer gesture with his fingers touching his bottom lip. 

The suit Raziel wore looked expensive. It was slick, neat and brought up all sorts of memories Dean didn't need. He managed to keep his shit together; the adrenaline helped. Inhaling a deep shuddering breath he pushed the thoughts away. The fine tremble in his hands, something else to ignore. There was ‘crazy’ in the guys' tone and behind his creepy pale eyes, Dean readied for the fight that he knew coming. 

“Surely you can see the difference?” Cas flung the words at Raziel, eyebrow raised.

“They’re not from here Dick-face,” Dean added. Tactful as always. 

Raziel squinted hard and then looked surprised. “Ah, yes. I see it now.” 

“That’s great, I’ll get my Angels and be on my merry way,” Dean said as he moved towards Jack and Cas. It was a slow backwards pace and he didn't get far before the blonde man seethed, 

“That is not an Angel, that is an abomination.” 

Cas fought his bonds, wrists dripping blood and Dean winced, “Jack, his name is Jack and he is not an abomination.” 

Cas never used that tone, ever. It was kinda terrifying. As Dean tried to school his face he made a mental note of everyone’s position. Then he realised that he was stuck in the middle with himself. Well didn't that say a fuck-ton about this situation generally? he thought. 

“Yeah, what he said,” Dean added shaking himself off while getting closer to the chairs. He didn’t take his eyes from Raziel. The other Angels moved in closer to their leader as tensions rose.

Cas-two was working the bindings which looked silver, hot damn was that angel blade rope? It was warded too, the glowing runes shimmered as Cas-two picked at them... Shit.

“Listen, guys, we don't want any trouble. They wanna go back to their own universe and we can all go back to ignoring each other.” D2 the placation echoed in the tense silence.

“Be quiet, Pet.” Raziel growled, “Castiel debases his vessel with you, that doesn't mean you get to address us. You are not our equal. I thought we had made that clear?” 

D2 sneered. “Yeah, you made it clear and I’m pretty sure I made it clear that you’re a dick.” Dean sniggered which got him a scowl from Raziel.

“You know... you look down on me but I wouldn’t banish my family because they loved someone, even if I didn’t approve. It makes you a bigot and a jackass.” D2 paced trying to keep their focus on him, “Look at you all high and mighty torturing a kid. I’m sure your maker is so proud...and another thing, how dare you stop Anna from coming to our wedding. Don't say that you didn’t, because I know that you did; douchebag. She had no other choice but to deal with your sorry ass instead of being Cas’ best man. She’s our friend and that was a super dick move.”

“He didn’t?” Dean gasped feigning shock. It was a little camp and D2 laughed.  
A sneer from Raz interrupted them, “Another abomination, a perversion of a sacred right.” Raziel looked smug rather than chastised.

Both Dean’s were aghast, everyone was, Including the Raz's cronies. It seemed all but Raziel knew that he’d overstepped the line. Picking at his cuticles, completely oblivious to the looks he was receiving. 

“You really are the lowest fucking form of life Raz.” D2 snarled, as he dragged out each word.

Dean glanced at Cas-two who was having some success with the ropes. It looked complicated more so than simply cutting them. He’d ask about it later if they made it out of this shit storm. 

“You can take your counterpart Castiel, but the Nephilim stays. It doesn't belong in any universe.” Raziel motioned for his people to move in. 

“You don't know me at all do you?” Cas-two threw at him with a pitying expression. 

“I don't know why you can’t be happy for him Raz.” The nickname his double used seemed to irk the angel more than anything else so far. “You know Dean…this guy went to Chuck and asked him to pull Cas back to heaven?”

Dean was actually astounded any Angel would try. Chuck had special feels for Cas and had made that very clear. Dean could see the hate dripping from this guy, and wasn't surprised he, in particular, had tried. “Dick move man, dick move.” He replied as he started to pace. They needed more time.

Dean’s double seethed, a dangerous anger rolling from him. “And when he wouldn’t go back to heaven on his own... he stabbed him with an Angel Blade. Oh yeah..... I owe you one for that Raz.” he punctuated it with a flick of his blade. 

Dean’s anger rose in a wave, like a tide of fire and rage crashing against his ribs. 

If anyone stabbed Cas he’d reign down Armageddon on their asses, angel or not, he would hunt them down. Instead of answering he raised his eyebrows and the hunter continued his monologue,

‘Thankfully Chuck fixed him. Then made him blade proof…” The snarl that escaped the furious man was unnerving. 

Dean didn’t know how he was keeping his shit together. The times he’d been that angry, the only way to stop him was by dragging him away. Hell, he was struggling now. This version of him had some serious self-control, it made him look at the guy differently. 

“Dean.” Cas called from across the room, “Are you okay?” 

Dean turned and tried to keep the emotions from his face but something told him Cas could feel it and that’s why he’d asked. The nod was as brief as the eye contact but it would have to be enough. Clenching his hand around the Angel blade made him feel more in control. ‘Deep calm breaths, Dean’ he reminded himself.

D2 picked up his rant, “...do you know what I would have done to you if he’d died Raz? There would be nowhere in Heaven you could hide, not even Chuck himself could protect you. There would be nowhere you could escape me...” Dean could feel the threat, the fury his counterpart was throwing off, it was unnerving. 

Rezil laughed, “Silly Pet, you think I’m afraid of you?”

“You should be. I took down Lucy, stopped Uriel and the Darkness...you’re a fly Raz, and a bully. One day, you bet your ass I’m coming to take my vengeance and I’ll keep a piece of you as a damn trophy.” 

D2 brandished his Angel blade, “Cas is mine and nobody hurts what’s mine.” 

There was a rustle of movement behind them, Cas was free. Blood dripped from his wrists but even injured, two Cas’ were better than one. The Dean’s put their guns away. D2 was seething and the tension in the room was ready to snap. Where in the hell were Sam and Bobby? Getting Jack free seemed to be taking forever and they were running out of time. 

“You don’t scare me. My brothers were stupid, weak and I am neither.” Raz scowled.

D2 forced a dry laugh,“You can’t even admit we bested them, can you? Jesus Raz, you’re so dumb.” 

“I will never admit that you are in any way equal to Angels,” He laughed. The rough scratching noise grated on Dean’s already frayed nerves. “No, Pet. Hell will freeze over before that happens.”

Then things got weird. 

“Raziel,” Chuck called, appearing out of thin air and everyone stared in confusion.

They all expected Raziel to flinch, he didn’t.

“Charles.” his tone was reverent but his expression was still screaming ‘psycho with a hard on’. 

“I told you to stop bothering them, did you think I was joking?” 

“Father they have Nephilim, it’s an abomination.” 

“It isn’t your place to police the world Raziel.”Chuck chastised but there was no force in it. Typical Chuck. 

“Someone has to.” Raz sneered at his father. 

“Ah, you think I’m too lenient?” 

“Ha.” Raziel laughed. If Chuck was shocked it didn’t show. “Yes! You let this fifth be with my brother. It’s not pure, or faithful to you. It’s a hunter. It’s disgusting. Castiel has been contaminated by this human and its emotions and he needs to be cleansed. You refused that and now they bring a Nephilim here! When we enough be enough?” The Angel was glowing with rage. 

“Raziel we can continue this discussion in Heaven. This isn’t the place-” Chuck tried to defuse the situation and it only seemed to make Raz worse. 

“No.” he interrupted, it was a whisper. A low slip of sound so full of loathing and rage it made Dean shudder. 

Raziel turned to his wingman and nodded. The angel lifted his arms together, the symbols on his forearms aligning. They were carved into his flesh and shone red with blood. It had dried smeared but Dean could make out the Enochian letters. 

Chuck didn't move. What exactly did Raz think was going to happen? The Angel pressed the runes together and the flash of light was blinding. The pure white glow flew towards Chuck he just smirked, cause you know, he’s God. What happened took them all by surprise. Chuck vanished. 

“What did you do?” Cas yelled from behind Dean. 

“I sent him away, it’s only temporary of course and he’ll be...upset when he returns but this must be done.” 

“Shit.” The Dean’s cursed together. 

The Angels started to move in. Dean wished for back up to arrive one more time and as if summoned Sam and Bobby ran through the doors.

The fight was immediate and intense; Sam took on Raziel along with Bobby. The other Angels threw themselves towards Dean and D2 as they shielded Jack.

Cas nodded to him, they were nearly done; just a few more minutes. 

The room started to glow and Dean stared in awe as Raziel shuddered like he was fighting off the flu. He smirked and yelled, “Even weakened, I am still strong enough to destroy them, sister!”

Dean had no idea what was happening and didn't have time to dwell. The female, a short curvy middle-aged woman brandished her angel blade and ran at him. She knew what she was doing, shit. 

D2 moved in to take on her partner, the chubby rune guy with an overcomb and a dishevelled suit. The clang of blades rung out and Dean willed the Cas’ to move faster. The woman got a little too close to Dean’s jugular for comfort. Sliding on his ass along the floor he grunted. Getting thrown across a room was never fun. Bobby protected him as he lay on the floor trying to drag himself up, he hurt everywhere. 

The woman was on Bobby, leaving Sam with Raziel. Dean flew at them with renewed vigour. 

Sam him far wall with a loud smack then fell in a heap and Dean winced. Sam didn’t move and panic rose. Dean lashed out at the woman; Bobby got the upper hand and slid his blade into her ample chest. A cry of pain, a flash of light later and they were down to two. 

“Sammy!” The Dean’s called together. D2 was holding his own but couldn’t afford to be distracted. They exchanged a look and Dean left Bobby to go check on him. His heart was in his throat as he bent to feel for Sam’s pulse. His shaking fingers found the rhythm after far too long, it was weak but there. D2 charged for Raz while Bobby, cornered by the guy with the runes. Cas-two had joined D2 in fighting Raziel, they were okay for the moment but who knew how long that would last.

Cas moved towards Sam but Dean held up a hand, “No, get out so we can end this!” They needed to finish it. “Cas, get Jack out.” 

Sam stirred and Dean sighed with relief. “Sammy?” He shook him gently, “You okay?” and Sam nodded. Dean watched Cas tug and chant at the bonds holding Jack. The younger man’s head lolled forwards before he shook himself awake. Dean was shaking from head to toe, his breath coming in pants. 

Only minutes later came a yell, “Dean, we’re done.’’ Cas called from behind and then they were gone. Cas-two nodded at D2, then vanished. Raziel sneered, victorious as he swung his blade but Dean got there first. Grabbing Raziel's shoulder he stabbed with force and the Angel screamed,

“You made me bleed human and for that, you will die!” and threw himself at Dean who ducked and the blade narrowly missed D2. Fuck that was close, Dean thought. 

“Hey, douchewad!” Bobby yelled as he ran to the door, “Not today.” and he slammed a hand on the angel banishing sigil. 

“Buh bye A-holes”, Dean smiled as the white light consumed them. Collapsing to the floor in a heap, they all breathed heavily and checked each other for injuries.

“Everyone okay?” Bobby asked as he nursed a few small slashes on his arms while looking a little pale. They all nodded. Sammy was fingering a cut above his eye; he was going to have some serious concussion. D2 was holding his side as blood dripped from his lip. Thankfully they were all surface injuries. Well, as far as he could tell, maybe not D2’s ribs but it should be okay until they got back. Everyone still had their limbs so it was a win.

“The others will be back at the bunker. Bobby, are you coming back with us?” D2 asked.

“Nah, best be gettin’ back, Jody has the girls coming over and I need to get patched up. I’m getting hell for this, she told me to stay at the bunker. You Ejit’s owe me one.”

“Since when do you let anyone tell you what to do Bobby?” Dean laughed and they all stared at him like he’d said something dumb. 

“You met Jody right?” Bobby asked and Dean nodded, “You seen her mean side?”

Dean shook his head. 

“Yeah, you don’t wanna either.” 

They chuckled. Bobby hugged them all including Dean and they separated to go home. Sam got in with the Dean’s and Bobby took his truck. 

“That was a close one,” Dean winced, nursing some bruises forming on his ribs. 

“Yeah Anna was working some mojo, if they'd been at full power it wouldn't have gone that well.” Sam hissed as his fingers touched the cut on his head. D2 kicked the Impala into high gear wincing himself as he jarred his injuries. Weren't they a healthy looking bunch. 

Dean looked at D2, “Don’t know how you kept your cool in there dude, kudos. Raz really stabbed Cas?”

D2 seethed, nodded and recounted the story,

"That evil son of a bitch told him to leave me. Cas said no and got a blade to the stomach as a ‘fuck you’." He took a deep shuddering breath, visibly trying to stay in control. "He managed to get back to the bunker, to me and I almost had to..." he cleared his throat, "...he was dying in my fucking arms. I couldn't...we couldn't... then Anna got Chuck and he fixed it. It was so close this time, too god damn close."

“Shit.” Dean felt sick, even the second time around that story was awful. 

They fell into a thoughtful silence. Dean would be hunting that psycho down. He'd watched Cas die, he'd held him as his light faded away. Remembering sliced him to his core. They shared a look as he finished the thought, the pain and hate of people who hurt their family. Yeah, he got it. 

As if the D2 knew what he was thinking he added, "He begged me not to. I drowned myself in him afterwards and he begged me while we were...well you know and I couldn't say no. I told him that it was cheating."

Then he smiled and so did Dean. Yeah, that was definitely cheating. 

“Thanks for stabbing the asshole, that was really fucking satisfying.” D2 grinned and Dean nodded, “Happy to help.” They laughed and Sam piped up, changing the subject, “So you going to head out tonight or when these guys have gone?” he asked his brother.

“We’ll wait until this is over, it wouldn't be right leaving you in this shitstorm.” D2 cleared his throat, “The hotel is booked from tomorrow. We can bump the flight from tonight until tomorrow morning. That should be enough time.” 

Dean was only partially listening but the next bit peaked his interest.

“Do you have a plan?...wait, don't answer that, stupid question.” 

Dean had to ask what Sam meant, D2 laughed, “Because Cas plans everything to the last detail.” Sam replied. “He doesn’t go anywhere without having a minute by minute plan, activities, restaurants…” 

Sam and D2 chuckled at his surprised expression while Sam turned to the rear seat. He was trying to address them both at the same time. 

“Yep, Dean’s honeymoon has a minute by minute schedule.” 

“Even…” Dean smirked, unable to help himself. His expression said it all and they snickered at him again. 

“Well, some things are left to the imagination.” D2 smiled and winked at his double in the mirror. 

Dean regretted opening his mouth, “Dude, TMI.” 

“You asked.”

“Shut up.” 

Sam saw an opportunity, Dean could see it in his face...shit. He took a breath. 

“Sex in the snow?” 

“Too cold, I wouldn’t be at my best...you know what I mean.” D2 vetoed. 

Sam thought for a second, “By a nice roaring fire…?” 

“Done that, but would definitely be up for a revisit. The flames add to the mood.” 

Dean flinched.

“Ohhh, Jacuzzi?” 

“That’s a new one, I’ll run that by Cas when we get back, bubbles could be fun. I like bubbles.” That one was made worse by the genuine interest Dean could hear in his counterparts voice.

They were doing it for his benefit and he was trying to stay straight-faced but it was difficult. 

“Dude, your face is priceless.” Sam snickered. Obviously, he wasn’t succeeding.

He scowled, then a thought came to him…

Dean spoke again before thinking, “Do you really call him honey bee?”

The other men laughed hysterically all the way back to the bunker. Dean slouched into the cream leather. As ACDC rocked on the stereo, Dean wondered how fast he could get outta dodge. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is linked with the blood of an angel (the full story of when Cas was stabbed) - https://archiveofourown.org/works/15099332


	9. "Now I'm not saying that I have to have Jacuzzi, I'm just saying that I really like bubbles."

Two steps into the library Dean was tackled by Jack. It hurt and he groaned, feeling every bruise he'd acquired. 

“Dean!” Jack yelled, he was all blond hair and enthusiasm. Like the whole kidnapping thing was a random, unfortunate misadventure and he was over it already.

“You’re going to have to be more specific Jack. We have two of those now.” Cas laughed. 

Jack grinned at him over Dean’s shoulder as they embraced. The hug lasted longer than was comfortable but he let it slide, just so relieved they had him back. Pulling away he walked to Cas and embraced him. It was hard and desperate. 

Grasping the angels' shoulders he resisted the urge to shake him. “What were you thinking? You could have been killed” Dean scolded. He felt sick, dizzy with relief. They were all back in one piece, now they just had to get home.  
Cas looked into his eyes and was relieved, this was something normal for them both. 

“I’m sorry Dean. I had to go. I felt Jack hurting... Then they caught me as soon as I appeared and I couldn't get out.” 

“Just don’t do it again, okay? Jesus Cas... anything could have…” He stepped back with a deep huff, “...just take me with you next time?”

“Here.” Cas nodded then reached out, a cool hand cupping Dean’s jaw. The touch fixed all of the fight injuries.

“Thanks, Cas.” He felt better and rolled his shoulders. 

Dean turned to Jack. “Jack, you okay?” He asked checking for damage one last time. The penetrating gaze examined his neck looking for marks. The Nephilim wore a blue shirt and jeans and Dean felt the rage rising at the smattering of blood on his collar. 

“I’m fine Dean, a little weak from the grace thing but that will come back.” Jack frowned, “Why do people keep taking my grace?”

Dean smiled tightly at Jack’s innocent question, “You scare them.” Dean leaned against the wall arms folded. “You’ll be invincible one day and it freaks them out.”

Jack seemed sad but thoughtful and whispered, “Do I freak you out, Dean?” 

Dean’s brow raised, “Your power is kinda... crazy, but no Jack you don't scare me.” He winked to reassure him further. 

Jack grinned but it faltered, “That's good Dean, but sometimes I scare me.” 

Dean changed the subject, not liking the worry on Jack’s face, “How did you know it was me when I came in?” 

“I can see you.” Jack squinted then shrugged. That explained everything...Angels.

D2 and Sam entered while they were talking, then Cas-two flashed in. Everyone looked healthier than on the drive home. 

“Guy’s, this is Jack.” The introduction was followed by a round of ‘Hey’ and ‘Hi’s’. 

“So you have superpowers?” D2 asked and Cas-two and Sam rolled their eyes. 

“He’s pretty much indestructible at full power.” Dean touched Jack’s shoulder, radiating pride. Jack stood taller with it, grinning.

“Awesome,” D2 replied as Cas two wrapped his arm around his waist. 

Jack’s eyes went wide, “What’s happening?” 

Dean looked at the direction Jack was staring. Shit. “Err…” and Dean realised he’d become used to it...when had that happened? 

“We’re married.” D2 laughed and Jack grinned. 

“Married…” he had his quizzical face on, “A party? Was there cake?” 

Trust Jack, straight to good questions. 

“Yes, there was cake. Would you like to see the pictures?” Cas-two added, taking an instant shine to the young man. Jack just had that effect on people. Jack nodded it was a touch too fast and he became dizzy. 

Dean reached out to steady him. “Jack why don't you sit down for a bit, look at those pictures?” he prompted and gave Cas-two glance and he nodded in understanding, Jack should take it easy. 

Cas moved over to Dean as Cas-two sat with their charge. 

“I’m so glad to have him back.” Cas smiled and Dean returned it then replied,

“I know, I feel like I can breathe again.” 

“You know he’s going to tell Sam when we get back?” Cas added and Dean paled. Jesus, he’d never hear the end of it. Though Sam’s face would be a picture, yeah it might just be worth it. 

“Dean, are you okay?” Cas assaulted him with that look. The ‘I see you're broken and I am making you acknowledge it’ look. 

“I’m good Cas,” Dean replied softly and with so much care, it made Cas blush. If there was one thing this reality was teaching Dean it was to be grateful for the Angel at his side. It was okay to be loved and love in return. ...as friends. ...Stupid universe.

They stood in silence looking at each other. It should have been weird, but it wasn't. Cas searched his face for a lie but seem satisfied Dean was being honest. 

“Good. I have to tell you something…” Cas started, “I was trying to find the right time but I don’t know if there is one…” 

“Spit it out Cas,” Dean whispered it and smiled. “Whatever it is, I’ll deal.” 

Cas nodded and took a breath, “I’ve been watching you sleep...I couldn’t leave you alone.” 

Dean grinned and met Cas gaze, “I know Cas. You’re not as subtle as you think you are.” 

Cas looked sheepish and decided the floor was very interesting. “I didn't want you to have the nightmares.” 

Placing his hand on the Angel's shoulder he smiled again, “I know, it helps.” he swallowed hard, “Thank you.” 

Cas looked up at him then, the tone catching his attention. The look was full of love and surprise. Dean continued, “For everything.” 

Dean didn't think that he’d said that before now and he could have kicked himself. Cas did everything for him. 

“It’s okay Dean. You’re my friend.” 

“I am Cas.” 

They stood and watched Jack’s face light up, he asked who everyone was in the pictures. The random knowledge thing happened again when Cas-two explained weddings and customs. Jack was both wise and so innocent; it was a wonder to watch. 

They smiled and laughed at him as he asked inane things that excited him. 

Dean's favorite was “Why is the food so small?” and Cas-two laughed, “They're Canapés Jack.” 

It didn't clarify anything for him and he frowned in confusion. Dean laughed, “They like to starve people at weddings.” he joked and Jack whipped his head to stare at Cas-two who scowled at Dean as he chuckled. 

“Dean’s joking. It’s things for people to eat while everything is settling down and then you have a meal later.” 

Jack smiled, relieved “Oh good.”

The joke was on Dean a few seconds later when Jack turned, asking, “So are you and Castiel getting married, Dean? Can I come?” 

Dean’s laugh turned into a cough and he was choking. Cas-two became hysterical. It was side-splitting laughter that had tears running down his face. Cas was staring at his son with wide eyes and an open mouth.

“What? Did I say something wrong? Jack asked, worried. None of them could speak to reassure the Nephilim. When D2 walked over to see what as happening it made things worse when Jack recounted the story. Cas-two laughed harder and then D2 joined him. Dean face-palmed as the coughing ebbed and Cas stared. 

Eventually, Cas found his words, “Jack, Dean and I we... that's, no. It’s not the same.” he smiled.

Jack had his thoughtful face on like his brain was processing. He got this wrinkle between his eyes and a confused squint as he considered what to say next. 

“...but, Dean, you love Castiel.” he looked at Dean with wide eyes, “I don’t understand.” 

Dean wanted the world to swallow him up, why were these questions aimed at him and not Cas?

“Well, it’s different.” Cas-two started, and Cas picked it up, “Dean and I are friends.” 

“I...what’s the difference?” Jack asked, “Are you, two friends?” He addressed Cas-two and D2. 

“Yeah but it’s more than that,” D2 replied with kindness in his tone. 

“More? How?” Jack asked and Dean gave Cas-two and D2 a warning glare, a let’s ‘keep it clean’ glare.

“Well we sleep in the same bed, we share everything…” Cas-two added looking at Cas and he nodded. That was an acceptable compromise. 

Jack thought again, “Share what?” 

“Things, feelings...we kiss and stuff.” Cas-two looked at Jack. “Your Dean and Cas don't do that.” 

Jack mulled it over, “So, to be more than friends, you have to kiss each other?” 

Cas-two nodded and then thought about it, “Well, no actually...this is complicated.” 

Jack frowned, “I’m confused.” 

“Romantic love is different from friend love Jack,” Cas added. 

“How?” Jack asked again seeking clarification. “The only thing that seems different, that you and Dean don't do, is kiss…” 

“And sleep together,” Cas-two added reminding the Nephilim. 

Jack shook his head, “No. They do that.” He corrected himself, “...did, until Dean got better, now Cas just stands in his room.” 

D2 and Cas-two turned their heads comically slow to peer at their doppelgangers. 

Dean cringed, this conversation needed to end, like now. 

“For the nightmares…” he growled but it had no bite.

“Right...” D2 snorted suppressing a laugh. 

Jack smiled, still confused. 

“There’s no difference.” Sam interrupted. Having stood on the fringes giggling to himself at the level of awkward brewing in the room. 

Everyone went slack-jawed. 

“Love is love. Friendship is love. You choose to commit romantically to one or more people but you start as friends. That means building a life together. Some people have a physical closeness like kissing and some don't. Some just love each other, some people marry and others don’t. It depends on what people want to do. Dean and Cas got married because they wanted too, they wanted to add that commitment. They made it more than friends”

Jack considered and then smiled, “I understand now, thank you, Sam.” He thought again and added, “So Dad and Dean might stay friends forever?”

Sam grinned and nodded, “Yeah, would you be okay with that?”

Jack smiled and nodded, “Yeah, Dean and Sam are my family. Castiel is my dad. Dean acts like him so that like having two Dads… and Sam treats me like he treats Dean so that like having a brother.” 

Dean’s heart fluttered in his chest. When did the kid get so perceptive? Jack had basically called him his dad, something twisted behind his ribs. Lost for words he glanced at Cas who smiled. Relief flooded Dean now that the conversation was over. 

Then Jack added, “I would like being a Best-man though, you know just in case…”

They all laughed. Jack sat smiling, not understanding why everyone was so happy but enjoying it anyway. 

Dean turned to Cas once it fizzled out and asked casually, “When can we get out of here?” 

Cas looked at him and frowned, “Not until tomorrow. Sam will be placing the sigil here on the wall at 12:00.” The Angel pointed to emphasise. 

“So, we have what, a day to kill?” Dean sighed, “Great, just great.” 

Dean was starting to feel exhausted and sagged against the wall.

Both of the Cas’ tilted their heads at the same time and Jack’s eyes glowed gold. 

“We have a problem.” Jack hissed. 

Something like a bomb hit the bunker, they all ducked.

“What the hell was that?” The Dean’s yelled together.

“Angels.” The Cas’ replied together. 

It was starting to feel like there was a perpetual echo in here. No dust fell so they hadn’t been physically hit. 

They all stood and looked at the Cas’, “Will someone explain what the hell is happening, please?” Dean shouted first, unable to hear over the ringing in his ears.

“They’re coming for Jack.” Cas-two started, “but we have-”

“- a spell surrounding the bunker protecting it from anyone who intends harm?” Cas finished. 

“We need that…” Dean added, surprised and impressed. “How long will it hold?”

“Indefinitely,” replied Sam. 

“Cool, so we’re good then?” 

“Except we can’t go anywhere because murderous Angels are surrounding us but yeah, we’re good.” Rolling his eyes, Sam moved to Cas-two and asked, “Can Anna help?”

“She’ll try I’m sure, but it’ll take time. Angel politics can be complex to negate. We should treat it like we’re stuck here for the foreseeable future.” 

Their conversation was punctuated by loud bangs. 

“That’s fine right? We have food, water and we’ll be leaving in less than twenty-four hours…”

“Yeah, we can wait it out and hope they don't find a way through.”

There was a whoosh and Anna appeared. 

The red-haired angel walked briskly to Cas-two. “Castiel.”

“Anna, what is happening?” 

“You must ward this place Castiel. Raziel is on the warpath. He seeks witches to destroy your protection. I pray he won’t succeed or find a way to circumnavigate it, however-” 

“- we should take precautions.” He finished. 

Nodding she turned to the rest of them, her tight fitting blue suit glinting under the lights.

“Ward and set up banishments. It will affect your angels but they can always return later.”

“I can stop that,” Jack added. They all turned to stare at him. 

Cas-two spoke first, “You can prevent our banishment?” 

“I think so.” He turned to Cas who nodded and touched his chest. The trust was absolute. The Angel hissed as Jack pressed his hand over Cas’s heart and both Dean’s flinched. 

“Jack are you sure…” as his eyes lit up like spotlights, Dean stopped, retreating back a few steps. That's still creepy, he thought. It was also badass.

Cas twitched and glowed gold as if the sun was trying to escape through his skin.

“Well, that’s creepy,” D2 commented, verbalising his thought. They both smiled together. 

Cas’ coughing fit interrupted their sniggers, “I feel, different.” 

Jack moved towards Cas-two and he took several steps backwards, wary. 

“I won't harm you. You’re my father, in any universe.” 

Cas-two face baulked in surprise and looked at his double who nodded. There was no difference to Jack, he had such an enormous capacity for love. 

“Does it hurt?” he asked.

His counterpart considered the question, then replied, “a little, but it’s like the atoms are being stretched to facilitate, more…”

“More?” D2 asked.

“I can’t explain it. Just more...” 

“Cas…” The noise which escaped his doppelganger was as close to a whine as Dean had ever heard. 

“I’ll be okay Dean.” His tone held such depth and love that both Dean’s felt it all the way to their toes. He frowned at the accompanying full body shudder. It was unexpected with a dollop of uncomfortable,

His Cas stared like he’d just done something interesting. ‘Don't look at me like that Cas’, the thought crept in as Dean took a hard look at the ceiling. 

Another sun-like glow filled the room and Dean watched his double in curious side glances.

D2 looked, well... terrified. It was all in the eyes, that’s where the emotions showed. The man’s face was stoic but his eyes were freaking the fuck out. A few shudders later and Cas slumped a little into his husbands' arms. 

“You were right, I feel...full.” 

“Anna, Is it? You too?” Jack offered, glancing at the Cas-two for confirmation that she was an ally. 

“May I?” She queried with him at the same time and Cas-two nodded. Stepping forward Jack touched her and repeated the process. 

“Awesome, all angels in the room are banish-proof. Let’s get to work huh?” Dean turned, cut his palm and started drawing sigils on the wall. 

They all followed, repeating the process throughout the bunker. 

Once complete they were all exhausted and Sam decided to make dinner. 

Anna went back to heaven and Dean went to his room for a nap, the emotional toll of the day was nipping at his heels. D2 and Cas-two agreed it would be a good time to get some rest and ventured off into their rooms. Jack and Cas stayed in the kitchen with Sam. 

It seemed weird to remain so calm but there was literally nothing else to do.

Lying on a bed that wasn’t as comfortable as his, Dean drifted into a fitful, light sleep. 

The dream came in a flash, hard and fast. The Canadian Rockies, surrounded by snow and two naked, writhing bodies. He watched himself being taken by Castiel. The steaming, bubbling water of the hot tub lapped at his legs. 

Cas sat in the water and it swirled around his waist, caressing his cock. Dean was in his lap, lowering his slick ass onto all that hard length. Suddenly, he was pulled into his body, no longer watching from the outside. Dean could feel every inch as it opened him wide, each stretch, and each warm push into his tight hole. Holy shit... His cock was so hard; it throbbed as the bubbles teased that delicate skin between his legs. 

One hand was gripping the side, the other braced on Cas’ muscular thigh. The feeling of hands on his skin had him panting. The angels' lips caressed the tender skin between his shoulder blades; it was pure ecstasy. His ass clenched as he took another inch. Oh god... the pressure was all-consuming as his taught sphincter consumed the impressive length. His hips met Cas’ lap, he felt so full, fuck.

Dean’s cock throbbed with need and Cas took it in his hand and squeezed. Oh my god, he growled wordlessly into the cold, dark night. He wasn't in control as he moved, fucking himself until he was nothing but pure sexual need. 

The angel moaned and relaxed, leaning into him, skin on skin. It made everything twitch and shudder. His skin was on fire, so sensitive and overwhelmed with feeling it hurt. 

“Fuck.” He moaned into the damp air as sweat rolled from his skin to the water below.

Dean was so close, it felt so good. The panting and gasping increased as Cas’ hands moved and dug into his hips. Holy fuck... he loved the strength in those gorgeous hands. Loved knowing that Cas could make him do anything he wanted because he was just that strong. Though he wouldn't, Dean was safe, always. The rhythm, the angle were both perfect and hit all those sensitive, exquisite places deep inside his ass.

Cas' grip got firmer and Dean twitched again. Oh... so close. He took his cock and squeezed until the throbbing was all consuming. The ecstasy flowed through him as his heart raced and Cas moaned, it drowned everything out. The orgasm landed in a tsunami of rapture. Hot cum flowed over his fingers he bucked and writhed on Cas' lap.

Cas twitched, then moaned and throbbed his load into Dean's tight ass. The warmth rolled through him, wave after wave; he came harder. The euphoria flooded his body, drowning his thoughts. For what felt like ever, he let himself feel it all. The man at his back, the warm wet satisfaction spreading through him and the love radiating from Cas. He just rested and breathed, completely at peace. 

Once the feeling returned to his legs he slid from Cas’s lap into a heap in the water. 

The pulsing aftershocks shook him as the foam caressed his sensitive cock. Yeah, Dean could get used to this. Cas lent into his shoulder and Dean held him. There was a small difference in height but the fit was perfect.

Dean looked up at the clear, cold night sky that was full of stars and felt safe. He felt whole. The hot water caressed his legs and the cold winter air wrapped around everything else. The contrast was amazing. The night air smelled of pine and chlorine. Nothing moved and the only sound was of breathing and bubbles. 

Then Jack's voice pierced his bliss.


	10. ''Cas, what have you done?''

"Dean, there are burgers.” Jack’s voice was loud but muffled through the hardwood door. It pulled him back to reality with a thud. What the fuck had just happened? His heart was racing as he tried to figure it out. The dream had been so...vivid, so real. The post-sex bliss was still receding and with it came guilt, discomfort and… something.

“Sure, I’m up.” he groaned as he tried to place that strange feeling in his gut but he became distracted.

Yep definitely up. He replayed it over in his mind and the resulting shudders freaked him out. ‘Stop it Dean’, he scolded himself.

Staring at the ceiling usually helped. And eventually, it did. The thudding in his chest faded, the boner softened and he stretched. Yep, just a dream. Once he refocused on where he was, he set off to the kitchen. The smell hit him half-way there and he salivated the rest of the way.

Bless Sam and his need to feed the masses. “Hey, Dean,” Sam called as he put together a plate for D2. He was wearing a Red apron over the red flannel and it was...bright. As Dean added bacon to his burger from a huge place on the left, he noticed writing on the apron. It looked Enochian and his curiosity peaked.

“Hey, what does your apron say?” Dean asked.

“It’s not mine its Dean’s; he usually does all the cooking but he’s not been feeling great the last day or so and Cas can't seem to fix it. Probably pre-flight nerves or something....” He shrugged; D2 looked over at his name but didn't comment.

Sam smiled, “It says, Cheeseburgers are a food group.”

Dean laughed, “Agreed.” then paused, “Why is it in Enochian?”

Cas-two chuckled from across the kitchen where he sat cuddling with D2. ”I found it amusing. Something's are funnier in Enochian.”

Reaching for the cheese Dean smiled then sat. Jack was next to him eating fries and stared at a cheese square like it held the secrets of the universe. The kid must have showered because he looked better than before. The bloody shirt had been replaced with mustard colour flannel that Dean didn't recognise.

“Jack. You okay there bud?” Dean asked through a mouthful of burger. It was succulent, juicy and perfect.

“Yes, Dean.” He said still frowning at the cheese.

“You’re supposed to eat it.” Dean added, “Not stare at it.”

Jack looked up, his eyes going wide, “It’s strange…” and he tore the slice in half, “I don’t know if I like the cheese slice, Dean.”

Dean laughed spitting burger over the counter, “You don't have to eat it you know, just put it down and back away.”

“But I have my burger, why would I leave?”

Dean nearly face-palmed, “No, I mean...never mind…” he smiled at Jacks quizzical expression, “Just eat.”

Jack nodded, “Okay Dean.” Putting the ripped square on the table he picked up his burger and took a bite. “I like burgers though.”

“Me too Jack, me too.” Dean rubbed his nose with the back of his hand to hide the grin. Jack reminded him so much of Cas sometimes. The only time Jack reminded Dean of Lucifer was when he was angry, he got all vengeful. Though that could be my bad influence, Dean thought.

They ate in relative silence. Jack asked about ketchup and Cas assured him it was a vegetable. Dean sniggered to himself, the dream had been forgotten for now.

After stuffing his face, Dean relaxed and then went to get a beer from the fridge. Everyone was milling around and he brushed past the D2 and Cas-two talking. He caught the words ‘dream’ and ‘hot tub’ but it was enough. Dean’s stomach fell to his feet. Shit he thought, it was just a coincidence, right? Yeah, coincidence...

Feeling the grimace on his face, he groaned internally. When was it ever coincidence and not some new mystical insanity?

Checking his watch he noted there were twelve hours to go. Awesome. His skin was tight with the need to get out of there.

The couple laughed behind him and he tensed.

“Are you alright Dean?” Jack’s enquiry made him jump.

“Er, yeah...I just...”

“Did you know your atoms are weird?” Jack interrupted. It was incredibly casual, like, ‘hey the sky is blue.’

Dean processed the sentence as he turned. “What? Weird how?”

Jack took a breath trying to find the right words. “Some of them are resonating at the same frequency as this universe. It doesn’t seem to be spreading anymore but some have definitely changed, they're not in the right order...” The head tilt in any other circumstance would have been amusing, Dean was not amused.

“My atoms are...what? Broken?” He could feel fear rising, the fear he’d ignored and labelled coincidence. Mystical fucking shit...why could he never catch a break?

“Not broken... changing.” Jack clarified.

Dean stared at him trying to keep the panic at bay.

“...the dream?" Dean whispered but Jack caught it.

“What dream?” It was a little too loud; everyone stopped to look at him.

“You had a dream?” Sam asked, “Was it fun?” His smile playful.

Dean blushed and that was the last straw. “It’s nothing.” He tried to shut the conversation down but made the epic mistake of glancing at his double.

“What’s going on?” D2 asked Jack. The whole room was looking at Dean now.

“Dean’s atoms have changed; he’s resonating like one of you but only in parts. It’s patchy.”

“Dean?” Cas asked, worried. Though they all sported worried expressions. Cas was staring at him, looking for what Jack could see.

“Yeah, having some, err, weird dreams…” He looked at his double again and his eyebrows went high.

“Hot tub?” D2 asked and Dean nodded.

“Shit.”

“Exactly.”

“Can we have details-”

“No!” They both snapped together and then looked around uncomfortably.

“Wait this was the dream you had while we...slept?” Cas-two asked and D2 nodded. The angels' eyes went wide.

“Oh..”

“Yeah, Oh” Dean replied.

“But it’s stopped spreading?” Sam asked Jack.

“Yes, it seems to be holding or…”

“Or what?” Dean growled becoming impatient.

“It’s so slow I can’t see it?” The question was not the concrete response he was hoping for.

“Jack!” Dean’s stern tone made the Nephilim flinch.

“I’m sorry…” His gaze fell, “I can’t see it without disassembling you or touching your soul. Both would be, problematic.”

“Disassembling me? Really? I’m sure that wouldn’t be problematic at all!” Sarcasm dripped from each word and Dean felt like he was going to punch something.

“Dean, just chill out okay, it’s not his fault your atoms or whatever are broken.” Sam intervened and Dean slammed himself onto a stool, huffing.

“I didn’t mean to upset you, Dean.” Jack approached the grumpy hunter with care. Cas moved to Jack and placed his hand on his shoulder then reassured him with a smile.

Dean took a deep breath, “Dude it’s not you, this place is sinking into my...everything.”

“It doesn’t seem to be happening to anyone else...Cas?”

Castiel turned at the same time as his double but only the first answered.

“Well, actually...” Cas looked unnerved, even shifty.

“Cas?”

Cas-two answered, looking at D2 in sideways glances, “Well, it’s not happening to my Dean in the same way but his aura is... patchy. I thought it was wedding stress but looking closer his atoms are doing something similar. As if he's absorbing bit’s of your universe.”

D2 spun on him, “When did you figure this out?”

“About five seconds ago. I don’t examine you on an anatomical level often you know. Jack pointing it out made me look.”

D2 sighed, satisfied, “Do you know why this is happening?”

Cast-two froze.

The angel glanced at his double who nodded. Yep, they definitely knew something.

“I didn't account for this Dean, I’m sorry. It should fix itself when we’re back in our universe…” Cas’ tone was apologetic. Stepping towards Dean he frowned and folded his arms.

Dean frowned back, “What didn’t you account for?”

“Well, it’s not like I knew we were going to be travelling to alternate realities or what it would do…”

“Cas Seriously?”

“Your soul was so damaged, Dean. In Hell…”

“When you raised me? What does that have to do with…”

“Everything…” Cas rubbed his hands over his face. The others watched in avid fascination. Everyone except the Cas-two who was curling in on himself as D2 listened to the tale.

“Your soul was...shredded. So dark in places I was worried... I...that I’d raise something that was more demon than human...” Cas looked into Dean’s eyes and hoped he’d understand, he did it for the best. “...I...patched you up.” The casual attempt to lighten the revelation fell flat. No one moved.

“What does that mean Cas?”

“It means he used his pure form...fixed your soul,” Cas-two added.

Jack’s eyes went wide.

“You did this as well?” D2 asked his Cas, frowning at his husband and creating distance.cCas-two nodded and wrapped his arms around his own stomach.

“So hang on, you used parts of your angel form to fix me and now it's breaking me? Like grace? Like when you fix bruises and bones?” Dean asked as he paced.

Jack interrupted. “No Dean. Cas used parts of himself to fix you. Not his grace, his true form, he was all light. There was no vessel. That's what he means, not the ‘white shiny stuff’ as you call it. He used part of himself to clean and patch your soul. Cas bound you at a subatomic level, his soul is keeping yours together.”

“How do you know…?” Dean frowned at Jack's expression, he just knew. This had been happening more and more. Jack was full of knowledge, something would trigger it and he would know. It wasn't like learning, more unlocking. He couldn’t understand cheese squares but atoms, those he got.

Dean paused, "What does that even mean?"

Cas took a deep breath and elaborated, "When I found you. You'd broken the seal..."

Dean flinched at the memory but Cas continued,"...I know you don't remember but you were going dark. Your soul, it was... shattered. There were pieces missing and parts so black and corrupted... for a long moment I thought I was mistaken and you were a demon."

Dizziness passed through Dean as he processed Castiel's words. A demon? He'd been part demon?

Cas-two was crying, they were slow, silent tears. D2 stood, arms folded looking shell-shocked, the conflict was shining in his eyes. He hadn't known either, awesome. Dean could almost feel the battle within D2. Cas' tears were killing him and he knew D2 would be feeling it deeper. The anger and the need to comfort him fought for supremacy within his chest.

"I was in my pure form. When I reached out, I could feel how deep the rot had set and knew you wouldn't have made it a year on earth without going insane. If not that then it would have been a rampage or sinking into a coma. We needed you whole. I thought about fixing you and then I could, so I bound you back together with my essence."

They all sat and stared at their respective Cas’.

“You duct-taped my soul with yours?” Dean asked when he found the words.

Cas thought about the question, his brow furrowed and then nodded.

Dean didn't know how to feel about any of it. Sam had finished cleaning and was leaning against the counter. Jack sat at the counter looked thoughtful. They all watched Dean as he paced.

“I don't know what to say Cas. Were you supposed to do that?”

“No. If the other Angels had found out I could have been executed. I didn't even know that it could be done. Human souls are energy. It's like sticking your hand into a nuclear reactor. Just touching you that deeply while I was in that form...well, it left permanent marks.” Cas rubbed his hand as if it ached.

Dean rubbed his shoulder, where the scar of Cas’s hand used to be.

“It’s still there. You just can’t see it anymore.” Cas added sheepishly.

“What?” Dean exclaimed in shock, he'd thought it was gone.

“The binding caused a permanent mark on your soul. When I dragged you from hell and put you back in your vessel, I had to tear myself away. That mark was left by the shock of the separation, parts of me fused with you and I had to rip us apart. It manifested as a physical mark because you’re human, it was the last place I touched when I brought you back. When I healed you the physical mark was erased but it’s still there under your skin, it always will be.” Cas looked pained.

Dean’s double stormed out and the Cas-two followed, tears streaming down his face.

“Cas, what’s happening to me...”

The angel took a deep breath, “There are fault lines, for lack of a better word, where your soul and my essence meet. This universe is seeping into them and trying to fill my essence with your doubles soul. It’s calling out to the parts that are missing. It doesn't know that the soul is two different halves of two different people. It wants them reunited, it's seeking balance.”

Cas had known one day this would all come out, he hoped that Dean would understand. When was the right time to tell someone that they only had parts of their soul? He sat on the stool trying to find the best expression for his face. This was a secret, a big one and Dean hated those. Knowing there would be consequences, he braced for Dean’s reaction.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Dean scowled, “I’ve been feeling weird since we got here and you didn't say a goddamn thing.”

“I’m sorry Dean, I didn't think it was having any effect until Jack mentioned it and now I think it’s also been happening to me...”

It explained the mood swings Dean thought, but it was fleeting as his anger rose.

“No Cas I mean about patching me up. You have known this whole time, there are parts of you inside me and you never thought to, oh I don't know, tell me?” He was fuming. “Like, ‘Hey Dean I gave you a service before I dragged you from hell. I did a soul overhaul and filled in the dents!’ It didn't occur to you that I would like to know what condition my soul was in? My soul Cas!”

Castiel felt each word like a blow.

Sam had disappeared somewhere around the time the yelling had started. Jack was watching with a pained expression.

“I’m sorry Dean. I was trying to protect you.”

“You played Dr Frankenstein Cas, with my freaking soul. What is wrong with you?”

Cas looked at the floor, “I had no choice. If the angels knew...it’s an abomination. Only God has the right to fix souls but I couldn’t return you that way. If they found out, both of us would have been in danger.”

“But now? Now Chuck is back? You could have told me!” Dean scowled.

“How did you do it?” Jack asked interrupting which earned him narrow eyes from Dean.

“I don't know, honestly. I willed it and it happened. I think now that Chuck was watching. That he saw....”

“The sacrifice…” Anna’s voice came from behind them all and they jumped a mile. She looked from Dean to Castiel, the expression full of love and support.

Cas was startled but nodded for her to continue, “You wanted to fix him, to sacrifice part of yourself. God gave you the ability to do that.”

Anna scowled in Dean’s direction, "You should thank him, no one else would have done that. None would have thought to try. Sacrificing for a human is beneath most.”

Anna turned to Cas, “It was shredded?” He nodded and she continued, “He took from himself to make you whole; do you have any idea how much strength that would take even with God’s help? The pain he must have endured?” She winced at the thought, “It’s like asking you to tear off limb or two and then use it to fix someone else while bleeding out.” She frowned at Cas, “I don’t agree with what you did but if God allowed it…it was brave, selfless.”

They had a staredown, Cas’ eyes glazed with tears and Anna smiled before she inclined her head. A thousand words had passed between them in a moment.

"You’re correct by the way.” She addressed Cas, “You created gaps in your own being that God couldn't replace. Not without fundamentally changing you."

"Were you spying on us?" Dean snapped, the anger needing to go somewhere.

"Chuck’s been listening…” She smiled back ignoring his temper.

Cas mulled it over then nodded.

“Thank him?” Cas asked even though it wasn't his Chuck.

She nodded again and vanished.

Dean was shell-shocked but his mind kept going over Anna’s words. ‘It’s like asking you to tear off limb or two and then use it to fix someone else while you're bleeding.’ Shit.

“I should have told you, Dean, I’m sorry. I was concerned for your safety, and my own.”

“I’m still mad Cas,” Dean growled. Glancing at Cas was a bad move, his anger was drowning in so many other feelings he couldn't place any of them. It was like a god damn emotional circus in his chest.

“I know Dean and I’m truly sorry.” Cas had his sad eyes fixed on Dean’s and he knew that the anger would leave soon. He hated that look, hated it and damn it he wanted to be mad.

“Is there anything else I should know? You might want to spill now?” He frowned, waiting for the worse news because there was always worse news.

Cas winced, “We’re connected. When I die, you feel... lost?”

Dean’s eyes focused hard on Cas.

“That’s one word for it, yeah…” He didn't like talking about feelings but this was his soul, damn it.

“...you’re saying I miss you what, harder? Longer? Worse? Because you’re...and I can't believe I’m saying this again, inside me?” He sighed,“...and now I feel all kinds of dirty.”

Cas grimaced but continued, “It wears off to a point but you’ll always feel that loss. I’m sorry Dean I wasn't planning on dying, especially repeatedly. I’m an angel; it was almost unfathomable to me at the time that I could die within a human lifespan.”

And there it was. Cas had been the good soldier, raised him, fixed him so that he wasn’t an inhuman mess. So that he could be back on earth and be with Sammy. To save the world he’d sacrificed parts of himself. Dean was glad of it, really but he should have been told.

“I need some time Cas.” He went to leave but Cas’ cough stopped him. Jesus, of course, there was more.

Cas rubbed his face, a very Dean gesture and continued. “Dean, the dream you had. The emotions you’re experiencing are a side effect, I would assume, of all this, of being here. It will pass, I promise.”

Dean went for the door, his brain mashed, and walked quickly from the revelations. He needed space, miles of it.


	11. "I'm fine. I'm fan-friggin'-tastic."

Annoyingly, the only place Dean could go was the library. The risk was too high to go outside, he knew Raziel would be watching and wasn’t going to provide him with a hostage.

Cas’ revelations flicked through his mind buzzing like flies. The Angel was inside him... parts of Cas. Dean tried to imagine what that looked like but it made his brain hurt. What was he supposed to do? It didn't change anything, did it? It wasn't like it could be undone, at least that was the impression they were all giving him. They couldn't make him replacement parts and he was sure that if it could have been done Cas would have found a way.

He was mad about being left in the dark, again and tired of the secrets.

Dean sighed and buried his face in his hands. Sitting on the steps to the bunker entrance he felt nauseous. Why was it every time they went somewhere it wasn’t simple? In, out, wham-bam done. There always had to be some revelation or drama that he had to deal with, it was all so draining. The silence became deafening as the banging from the assault stopped. Dean became tense waiting for an attack or anything but it never came.

This thing with Cas...it was so fucked. Like having two sides battling each other inside him. One part was screaming that he liked women and that he shouldn’t have feelings for Cas. Then this universe, well that threw a wrench into the mix. That was a lie; he'd been having issues after Cas left his bed...after Cas helped him. The angel's presence made him feel better. It was to help him after Michael, that’s what he told himself. ...But now? He couldn't ignore the scratch, the abrasive tap in his mind telling him he was lying to himself.

Watching himself kiss him and cuddle and … the sex? He shuddered at the memory; it was a good shudder, a nice shudder which made his nausea worse. He didn't have a problem with being into Cas and that scared him. He could watch D2 and Cas now and it seemed normal and it’d only taken a day. Maybe it was this universe seeping into his everything? Maybe it was just him adapting? Maybe he was in love with Cas and he was living in denial… he didn't know and right now couldn't deal with knowing. What was love anyway? Was it wanting to be around someone and enjoying their company? Was it friendship like Sam said? What was the difference between this universe's Cas and Dean and him? That they let themselves explore it? That they took that next step? Was he in a relationship with Cas and hadn’t even realised it?

He missed Cas, loved him, forgave him...well he forgave him everything. Jesus, his world was a mess. He was a mess. Panic started rising in his gut and the room spun. This was the first attack he'd had since the fight and he was paying for it now. The memories came thick and fast. His breathing became laboured and he closed his eyes tight against the onslaught. There wasn't enough air...

"Dean...Dean just breathe okay?" Sam's voice came from his left.

Dean tried to, he really did but until Sam passed him a paper bag he couldn't control the panic. Clasping the bag like the lifeline it was he tried to think. The hyperventilating slowed and his vision cleared. Sam crouched at Dean's feet staring at him with his 'you're so broken look'.

"I'm fine Sammy..." he groaned between gasps.

"Do you want me to get Cas?" Sam asked softly.

"No!" Dean growled. He didn't want Cas to see him like this.

"Okay..." He sighed and ran his hand over his face, "Do you want me to stay?"

Dean shook his head.

"Fine but I'm coming to check on you again in a bit okay?"

Dean nodded with the paper bag at his mouth. Shit, this crap had to stop.

He put the bag down a few minutes later. The deep breaths helped now that the air wasn't coming too fast. His head was spinning. He considered whiskey but voices infiltrated his silence, distracting him.

It was his voice. It was full of anger and pain. Before he could think his feet moved.

Dean followed the noise, the arguing, it was a pull. Like a force that he couldn’t ignore. Rounding the corner he stopped before being seen.  
‘Classy Dean’, he chastised himself, ‘now you’re eavesdropping’. Cas-two was staring at D2 with wide pleading eyes. Dean wondered if the guy had been crying this whole time because he looked drained.

They were outside their bedroom in the corridor. D2 was hovering inside the door while Cas-two remained outside the threshold. Cas-two was crying, hard. He hugged himself tight as D2 threw the words at him. “You should have told me Cas. How do I know if this is even real?”

Cas groaned, “I love you and you love me. How can you question that?”

“You Frankenstein-ed my soul Cas. My Soul!” He heaved a breath pushing tears away, “How do I not question it?”

The bedroom door slammed. Cas was separated from his love by two inches of solid wood and what felt like a million miles.

The angel slid down the wall, curled up with his back against the brick and then he sobbed.

Dean watched and his heart-wrenched in his chest.

He wasn’t going over there; it was none of his business.

Yet, he was walking.

He was sliding down the wall.

His arm was pulling the angel into his shoulder.

What was the hell happening?

He’d never seen Cas, his Cas, cry like this. It didn't feel any different knowing that it wasn't his Cas. Cas-two didn't move until Dean draped his head on the angels and only then did he relax.

Dean's heart felt like it was being seared. The sobbing was killing him. Feeling Cas shaking, grieving like this... he'd do anything to make it stop. It was that devastated cry of someone who had lost everything. It was that soul tearing, dry-heave till you can’t breathe type mourning and Dean couldn't stand it. The guy thought he'd lost the love of his life, it was pain and Dean knew pain.

Maybe part of him was channelling D2. Maybe it was the part that loved Cas? Maybe it was this weird soul bond they had but he couldn’t let the guy cry like that and do nothing. So, he held him and they sat curled up on the cold marble floor. The emotions, those deep-set one’s he usually avoided like the plague were there and they were all for Cas.

“He’ll forgive you. He can’t help himself.” Dean whispered to Cas-two as tears soaked his shirt.

Dean wasn’t only talking about his double either. He’d forgive Cas anything and he knew it, hell, he had. Every single time. He'd forgiven the arguments and betrayal. He'd ignored the stupid decisions, the dangerous decisions. He'd healed the physical beatings. He'd suffered the abandonment, the death...he'd forgiven it all... and so had Cas. They were both so perfectly damaged... broken...

Big blue eyes pulled him back into the moment as Cas stared up at him and asked, “You think so?”

Dean nodded, “When has he ever not forgiven you?”

A brief smile touched Cas’s lips but didn't reach his eyes.

"When have you ever not forgiven him?"

Cas smiled a little wider.

“Do you like me, Dean?”

“...You know I do Cas…” He created space between them as the tone of the conversation changed.

Those big damp eyes stared at him and Dean felt panic rise.

“I mean...like me...like me?” The whisper filled the air between them and Cas moved closer. The gap closed. Cas raised his hand to Dean’s face and he froze. The contact was something he craved but it also terrified him. ...Run the voice inside screamed, run, this isn’t you! But there was another voice, no, a feeling and it flowed from his core like a ripple forcing warmth through his bones.  
Dean stared into pools of blue and pain. He wished for something that he’d never wished for in his life; a kiss from his best friend. Cas turn Dean’s jaw at the last possible second and the angels' lips caressed his cheek. Dean shuddered and wasn’t sure if it was relief or disappointment.

Cas-two pulled away, the kiss so erotic it should have been more. The angel gazed at him, a small smile playing on his lips. In response, Dean’s cock became rock hard. The eye contact had his pulse racing.

What the hell…

Cas-two broke the silence, “Dean…”

“Uhuh?”

“Thank you…”

“Yeah...err...yeah,” The words a breathless pant.

“Stay with me a bit longer?” Cas asked, and because he was already there Dean didn't see the harm in staying, just a little longer.

“Sure.”

Cas leaned in and rested his head on Dean’s shoulder and they sat like that for a while.  
As angel tears dried on his shirt an over an hour later, Dean realised he’d already forgiven Castiel. Damn it. The smile on his face was in contradiction to the annoyance fluttering around in his mind.

The huff he let out disturbed Cas and he lifted his head from Dean’s shoulder.

“What?” He asked sounding drained and tired.

“You should go to him.”

Cas looked hopeful, “You’re sure?”

Dean dipped his head, “Yeah if he’s me and we feel the same, he’s over the worst of it.”

'That's the weirdest thing I’ve ever said.' he thought.

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas kissed his cheek again as he stood. Dean flushed hot, his tanned skin flaring red.

With a soft knock, the angel opened his bedroom door and Dean heard his double answer. They spoke and Dean could swear he felt Cas' relief through the door. Once he was alone in the hall, he decided to go find his Cas and then get some shut-eye. He was wiped. Tomorrow they could go home and start fixing this mess.

 

The conversation started as soon as Dean returned to the kitchen.

“Dean, you’re back.” Cas walked towards him from his place next to Jack.

Dean ran a hand down his face, exhaustion was tugging at him, his patience was spent. He was so done with all this crap. “I get it.” He started with no preamble. The ache in his gut disappeared as the words came. It always happened when he was fighting with Cas, the ache disappeared as soon as they made up. The hope in Cas’ eyes pained him. It shouldn’t mean this much, he shouldn’t mean this much.

“You couldn’t bring me back the way I was, all broken and bits of demon." He really thought about it for a second, "Maybe if I'd held off a bit longer, not given into Alister...maybe you'd have had other options..."

"No Dean, don't blame yourself. You held off longer than most would have, could have."

Cas reached for Dean and he moved into it so that Cas's hand was on his shoulder. The relief was almost instant, like a breath he hadn’t know he’d been holding. There might not be much difference between the two but his body knew, maybe his soul...nope not going there.

"Either way...You took a huge risk and I’m grateful, really, I am.” Taking a deep shuddering breath he finished, “But Dude, you gotta be honest with me.”

Cas shuffled uncomfortably as Dean took a seat.

“Every time this shit happens I feel like...like I’m not in control okay. You need to just tell me”

Cas opened his mouth to speak but Dean interrupted him.

“I know, you’re sorry.” He grabbed an open beer, not caring whose it was.

“I forgive you, okay. Just, stop trying to protect me like I’m a fucking Disney Princess.”

“I understood that one, Sam let me watch Cinderella. Would I be the prince in this analogy?”

Dean rested his head on his crossed arms on the kitchen side. The exasperated sigh he released was loud. The grin was annoying but only he knew it was there, hidden by his arms. God damn it, he really couldn't stay mad at him.

“I need to sleep.” He stood, going for a tight smile but it ended wide and open, “I’m taking this beer and I’ll see you two tomorrow.”

"Dean?" Cas started and Dean turned to his friend, "I really am sorry."

Dean nodded, "I know Cas." With that, he left.

It was close to two in the morning by the time his head hit the pillow. Why did he always feel like he was in an episode of Oprah meets the Twilight Zone?

Dean thought back to the conversation with the other Cas and the one with his and yawned. He considered all of the things he'd ever forgiven once more and then came to a conclusion that scared him. When he was in the moment when he was mad or hurt it felt like any other person but with Cas the pain left in hours or days, replaced by this need to have him close. To fix it...

He stretched then curled up on the bed and tried to push the revelations away. ‘I'll deal with it tomorrow’. The problem shelved, he drifted into an exhausted sleep.

The dream was strange because it was so... normal. He was on his bed, his bed, in his universe, asleep. He was watching himself sleep. Footsteps sounded and then Sam opened his bedroom door, he scowled at the bed, shook his head and left.

Screaming woke him and not the fun kind. Bolting, he dragged on weapons and darted to the main space of the bunker. The noise was like nothing he’d ever heard, a high pitched shrieking punctuated by dull bangs.

Raziel was back. The sight that met him as he rounded the corner could only be described as insane. Blood splattered the walls like someone had exploded. Jack was standing in the centre of the main room concentration furrowing his brow. He was surrounded by a circle of blood but was, himself, clean. His eyes were shining and his wings were out, glowing gold so brightly it felt hot.

“Jack, what’s happening?” Dean yelled, “-and where is that screaming coming from?”

Jack didn't move but replied, “The Angels”

“What Angels?" He looked everywhere, "Jack, buddy…”

“Dean, get in here!” Cas’ voice came from behind him and he ran to the storage room reluctantly. “Where have you been?” he scolded and Dean looked at him confused.

“You weren’t in your room,” Sam added.

Dean’s face scrunched, “Of course I was. I was in bed…”

“No, we came for you and you were gone.” This was not the time to argue so he shelved it as a mystery for later.

“Well, I’m here so what’s happening? ...and why are we in a closet?”

“The Angels found a workaround but so far Jack is keeping them out.”

“How?”

“He said something about a superheated resonance he can emit...or something…”

Dean looked at his double and said “Forcefield?”

Sam and his doppelganger nodded.

“That’s what the noise is, them hitting it?”

“Jack said ‘burning’ specifically.” His Cas added.

“So he’s barbequing angels?”

“Don’t say it...” Cas-two warned his husband.

“Wings anyone?” Dean and D2 sniggered, everyone else rolled their eyes.

They pressed themselves against the boxes that were stored in the room. “It’s not going to hold them indefinitely.” Cas added, “Our Sam should be placing the sigil any time in the next twenty minutes.”

‘Wow was that the time?’

“Okay, so we wait?” Dean asked.

Cas nodded. “We could expel them but we’ve never tested the blocking that jack placed on us. We wouldn't be back in time if something went wrong”

The minutes ticked by slowly and the screeching of singed angels was giving them all a headache. Dean remembered his earlier question.

“...And we’re in the closet why?” Dean asked again.

“Well, we know why you’re in the closet…” D2 sniggered and Dean rolled his eyes.

“Funny…” He replied and tried to scowl but ended up smiling. In any universe he was hilarious.

“It got extremely hot in there, and loud...Jack was worried we’d get caught in the crossfire,” Cas-two explained.

“So you left him alone?” Dean scolded.

Cas scowled at Dean as he lent against the wall, “He made us leave, blinked us away and before we knew it we were locked in here. When we tried to leave his voice came like an echo in my mind. He said we were a distraction; he needed us to stay in here. He let us out to come to find you but made us promise to stay here until we left to return home.”

Dean looked sheepish now he knew and apologised for his tone. “Sorry…”

“That kids an asset…” D2 commented breaking the tension between Dean and Cas.

“He’s family,” Dean replied, shrugging.

Dean took the time to examine Cas-two, he looked okay. D2 was touching him, which was a good sign and they looked better than yesterday. ‘Good’, he thought as he shielded his ears from the noise, he knew they’d work it out.

With five minutes to go, they said their goodbyes.

“Thanks for the help,” Dean said to no one in particular.

“It’s been... interesting,” Sam replied.

“Thank you.” Cas addressed them all.

“I’d say no problem but I’m sure it’s going to be,” D2 smirked.  
D2's raised eyebrow made him laugh.

They exited the storeroom and ran back to Jack. He was still glowing and looked exhausted.

A neon circle appeared where they’d landed on arrival. Cas drew his part of the spell on the floor within it and the room lit up in a wash of vibrant green light.

“Jack, we have to go!” Dean yelled over the noise.

The human torch made slow steps towards the circle.

“Are you guys going to be okay?” Dean asked the others.

“We’ve dealt with worse. Don't worry about us, they want Jack so once he’s gone problem solved.” D2 wasn’t sure of that, it was in his tone but there wasn't much they could do.

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas-two said as he waved and Dean blushed. Cas stared at him and D2 pulled his hubby in closer.

Jack stepped into the circle looking deathly pale and ready to pass out. Cas finished the incantation and the world tilted then rolled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chater 12 will be out tomorrow (sorry for the delay)


	12. "There's no place like home."

They hit the hard floor with a thud and Dean immediately felt nauseous. Yep, he was going to…

“Dean?...Dude, gross.” Sam commented from above him as Dean heaved the contents of his stomach... everywhere.

Rolling onto his back hurt and his chest heaved. “Hey, Sammy.” He coughed out.

“You okay?”

“Peachy.” Dean tried to stand and wobbled. Jack and Cas slumped against the far wall. Cas looked nauseous himself as he checked over his son, concern in his eyes. After a few minutes, he seemed satisfied that he was okay. There was a flash worry before the smile. Jack tried for a smile but it faltered as his eyes fluttered closed. The young man was exhausted.

Sam moved to support his brother, a hand on his back. Dean braced all his weight on the library table trying to steady himself.

“Jack are you okay?” Sam asked, “What the hell happened over there?”

“I’m alright Sam, thank you. Just tired.” Jack replied.

“Our boy here had a ‘Johnny Storm’ moment.” Dean swayed on the spot.

"What?" Sam exclaimed, ready to catch him.

"He was lighting angels on fire with his force-field." Dean added, "...and no I'm not joking."

Dean heaved but kept it down by breathing, “My head is killing.” He slumped into a chair, “Cas, you okay?”

The angel nodded, "Are you?"

"Dizzy, sick..."

"That will be the side effects, it should wear off."

“Side effects? Of the spell?” Sam asked. Cas shook his head, grimacing.

Dean heaved again and fell off the chair when he ran for the bin. He stumbled and slammed into the wall, fell to his knees and threw up again.

“Will someone please tell me what happened?” Sam growled, irritated.

“Alternate me got married to Dean. Jack was abducted by angels who wanted to destroy him and we were disrupted at a subatomic level. That is why Dean is sick. They were...adjusting themselves, his atoms I mean.”

Sam’s surprise showed in his raised brow and wide eyes. Speechless, he tried to figure out which part to query first but Jack interrupted him.

“It was a nice wedding, they had blue flowers.” He declared, then promptly passed out.

Sam’s eyes grew wider. “Right…”

Dean crawled back to the chair taking the bin with him.

Cas picked Jack up and carried him to his room, everything had finally taken its toll on the Nephilim. Dean was a little worried but Cas reassured him that Jack was going to be fine. Dean could feel the trepidation radiating from him though. Cas was hoping there was no permanent damage but he didn't know, no one did. Dean hoped Jack would bounce back like he usually did then relaxed into his chair and closed his eyes.

Sam examined him as he joined the table in the library. “You look like crap.”

Dean smiled with his eyes closed, “Thanks, Sammy.” He felt like it.

“So what did Cas say about you and him being married?” Sam laughed and Dean could hear the smile. “Because I really need to hear about that, I really do.”

“Can I relax for five seconds? That portal-shazam crap feels like being thrown into a wood-chipper.”

“Sure, you want a drink?” Sam asked and Dean nodded.

Cas interrupted them, “I brought beer, whiskey and water. What would you like Dean?”

The smile snuck onto his face before he could stop it.

“Beer-” His stomach growled its objections and he grimaced, “-Water, please Cas.”

“Okay Cas, spill…” Sam pushed.

Cas started with their landing in Otherworld and the other Sam appearing. Sam followed in avid fascination as Cas explained the dynamic between the other him and Dean.

“Wait...hang on...So they’re together, together?” Sam clarified, understanding yet not processing.

“Yes, they were romantically involved. Married.” Cas clarified.

Dean had his arms crossed and was bent over the table resting his head, eyes closed. The world had stopped spinning, finally but he was so tired that his eyes ached. Whatever had happened with his atoms made him feel like he hadn't slept in days.

“So...wait wait...do you guys? I mean… do you have…” Sam started and Cas went quiet. "..you know...feelings..."

“Sammy, you need to be quiet for like, ever,” Dean growled. There was a smile in Sam's tone but this wasn't a funny topic for Dean right at this moment.

“What? I shouldn’t ask? Like you wouldn't if I was the one married to Cas in an alternate reality.”

Something behind Dean’s ribs got tight. Whatever it was it did not like that sentence at all.

“Dean...did you-” Sam paused sounding incredulous, “-did you just growl at me?”

Dean startled upright, his vision blurred. “What? No! I coughed...”

A fuzzy Sam glared, “Dude, that was a growl.”

“Shut up, Sam.” Then he returned his head to his arms.

Dean had definitely growled, what was he, a werewolf? Damn it, he needed to stop that and he rubbed his ribs trying to push the feeling away. He was not jealous, territorial maybe...that wasn't better he thought then winced.

Cas stared at them both as Sam recovered from the shock and Dean avoided the conversation.

“Bobby was alive,” Cas interjected trying to break the tension.

Sam snapped his head toward the angel. “Like our Bobby? He knew us?”

Cas nodded, “and Charlie, Jo, Ellen…”

Sam gaped at him and Cas finished the rest of that part of the story.

“Wow.” Sam glanced at his brother, “Just wow, that's nuts.”

Dean listened as Cas described their adventure and wished for a months worth of sleep. His arm was going numb so he excused himself to the lounge that they’d created in one of the rooms. Glancing at the vomit was a bad idea and he took a deep shuddering breath as he walked, he’d deal with it later.

Cas and Sam followed after a few minutes but diverted to clean the library. Dean could hear clunking, cursing and scrubbing. Once done, they came to the lounge and sat in the armchairs across from the black leather sofa.

Dean drank a beer and managed to keep it down, small mercies. The nausea passed and his stomach rumbled for food but at that moment being still was more important. Moving was bad and now he was lying down he didn't know if he actually could move.

Cas explained to Sam what happened to Dean in hell and got wide eyes for his trouble.

“Wait, you’ve known this the whole time?” Sam growled.

“Look who’s growling now.” Dean laughed.

“You’re okay with this?” The tone was a snap.

“No, but I can’t change it. “

“We discussed it,” Cas interjected looking sheepish.

Sam glared at him and huffed, resigned. If Dean had let it go, forgive him then there would be no further discussion because everyone else was expected to simply fall in line. 

Sam smiled in spite of himself as his mind wandered to married Dean and Cas. He wondered whether there was more at play here, more than friendship but then dismissed it. Though, the idea lingered in the back of his mind and kept the smile on his face despite his annoyance. 

Cas changed the subject and reassured Dean that his atoms were all back to normal then continued his tale. When he got to the part about Jack and the angel burning Sam piped up. “You know what's weird?”

“You mean apart from everything? No Sammy what’s weird?” Dean smirked then stretched on the black leather couch with his arm thrown over his eyes. It was unnecessary because the only light was from a lap in the corner which was relatively dim. 

“I could have sworn I heard you snoring the other night from your room. But when I looked, nothing...I don't know what I expected but I could have sworn I heard you.”

“I don’t snore…” Dean replied, indignant.

“Wasn’t really the point I was making Dean.”

Cas looked spooked but said nothing.

Dean remembered his weird Dream and felt sick. No, there was no way he’d crossed back here on his own. He peered at Cas. “Cas?”

“I’m just glad we got back when we did, that’s all.”

Dean nodded and pushed the fear back. He didn't want to know. No more weird today he couldn't deal so he ignored it and relaxed just glad to be home. This universe had its issues but it was his. It made sense, well, mostly. Who was he kidding? This place was insane but it was Dean's insane.

Once Cas had wrapped up his tale, Sam asked a zillion questions and eventually, once satisfied, he left for bed. Cas watched TV and Dean drank a shot of whiskey then fell asleep on the couch.

Cas woke him not long after and prompted him to go to bed. He dragging himself out of the chair and stumbled through the door following Cas. The angel went to check on Jack. Dean yawned, needing sleep but then decided to stay. They leaned on either side of the door frame and watched their boy. Jack was one of the most powerful beings in existence, and he had exhausted himself by saving them, again. They smiled together.

Dean spoke first, “He’ll be okay?”

“Yes, his grace is low and he needs time but, he saved us, Dean. I’m still not sure how. He’s...special.”

Dean nodded and watched Cas watch Jack sleeping. The love in Cas’s eyes, in his whole being, was something amazing to Dean. Once upon a time, love had been a distant and unattainable dream for the angel. Cas had always been unique, there was no doubt about that but angels didn't love, couldn't love but Cas did. It was all over his face, love, gratitude and reverence. That twist behind his ribs appeared again and he tried to ignore it.

“Yeah, he’s something alright, definitely saved our bacon back there.”

Cas nodded and gave a tightlipped smile.

“That’s it, I’m hitting the hay.” Dean breathed, running a hand over his face.

“Dean?”

“Yeah Cas?” He yawned.

Castiel was awkward like he wanted to ask something but didn't know how.

"Just spit it out Cas." Dean prompted, the tone laden with exhaustion.

“You comforted me, the other me when he was upset…”

Dean did not like where this was going at all.

“...I heard what you said about always forgiving me…” He swallowed hard. “...did you mean that?”

Dean took a deep shuddering breath and nodded. Cas looked at him with something close to longing. Dean’s heart throbbed. Shit, these feelings were going to be the end of him. His hands started to shake and it travelled up his arms then into his chest until his heart was racing.

Could he do this?

Should he do this?

The conflict was tearing him up. He could walk away, right now and ignore it all. Tomorrow was a new day and he could just forget all this happened and everything would go back to normal. 'You're lying to yourself again' that little voice whispered. Nothing would ever be normal again; he just wasn’t ready to face it yet.

Feelings and thoughts that he didn't know how to deal with were fighting for space in his heart. Hell, in his life. He replayed his time in Otherworld, felt how he had then. D2 had explained how and why he adored this being in front of him so much. The annoying part was that he, honest to god, couldn't disagree. It messed with how he saw himself, with who he thought he was.

Shit.

He nearly walked away. Nearly. He was so ready too... but then he looked at Cas, really looked at him and dared himself to do what his double had suggested. He was many things, but he wasn't a coward, maybe tomorrow but not right now. Dean imagined the bedroom, seeing them together and how he'd felt. Then he thought about the hot tub dream and the kissing, the touching and the flirting. Was he bothered? No, not really. It scared him that he wasn't bothered, it scared him that he enjoyed it. There were lines he didn't have any idea if he could cross or wanted to… but he could admit that he wasn't upset by it. That actually he'd enjoyed some of it.

On that thought, he moved.

Cas pressed his back against the door frame as he watched Dean move closer. His bright eyes going wide as the gap closed to mere inches.

The angels' trench coat brushed against Dean’s chest.

Ah Hell... he was going to do this. Shit.

Dean placed his calloused hands on Castiel’s face and pushed the doubt away. 'If we're doing this' he thought, 'we're doing it whole hog.' Cas's dark stubble scratched the hard skin on his palms as he steeled himself. Dean didn't feel anything but curiosity as he gazed as Cas...well there was the need, the ache in his heart, in his groin...but he ignored those. One thing at a time...

Cas was confused and asked, "Dean, what are you..."

Dean closed the gap and their lips came together in a tender press. When Cas kissed him back it was like those songs about thunder and lightning. Like a whisper of angelic symphonies in his heart. Cas’s mouth opened in surprise. Both had their eyes closed and for several long seconds, Dean kissed his best friend. It was electricity and fire and perfection. His heart raced and he could feel Cas trembling under his hands.

Whether for fear of breaking the moment or shock, Cas stayed frozen to the spot. Their noses touched as they kissed and Cas felt the gravity of the moment swallow him whole.

Dean pressed harder, Cas's back dug into the wood of the door. Dean's tongue flicked between Cas’ soft lips into his mouth. The angel groaned then returned it. As Cas realised this might be his only opportunity to do this he wrapped his arms around the taller man. He pulled him close and prayed that it wouldn't scare his hunter into bolting. Cas sagged into Dean, his whole body relaxing and igniting at the same time. He gripped Dean's t-shirt like it was a lifeline, the hard muscle underneath making him pant with need. Those shoulders were perfection.

They were all open mouths, tongues and nibbling at lips. It was hot and heavy and Dean’s cock was throbbing in his pants. Cas’ dick was a hard reminder pressed between them. It should have freaked Dean out but it made him horny and he groaned. The whole thing felt like it lasted an eternity. Then Dean broke away leaving Cas shocked and breathless. He took a second to orientate himself and breathe.

“I might be delirious or atom-broken...” Dean whispered as he rubbed his thumb over Cas lower lip the other hand still on his face. “...but Cas?”

Cas stared at him, his skin flushed and sweaty and he nodded almost imperceptibly.

“I wanted you to know that I see you.” He smiled, and then pulled away, shaking. 

Dean turned to go to his room, leaving a flustered and hopeful angel in his wake. He could still feel Cas' skin on his, the brush of clothes against his chest and the thought made him smile. Content and happy for the first time in, well... a long time, he stripped off and folded his clothes. The sheets on the floor would have to do for tonight, shaking them he climbed into bed. ‘Wow, just wow’ he thought as he pressed his fingers against his warm lips. Nothing had ever been that good, ever. Laughing into the darkness in disbelief, he couldn't believe he'd actually done that.

What was happening to him?

Breathing deeply he tried to relax. Glad to be back in his bed. Rest was evasive at first, and then he felt a ruffle of breeze and knew Cas was there. Tonight it made him smile, really smile. A moment later exhaustion swamped him and Dean drifted into a peaceful sleep.

He wouldn't remember it but he dreamt. Not of horrors or burning wings but of smiling and laughter. It was a glorious dream of a hunter and an angel as they skied on fresh snow under a perfect blue sky.

****Epilogue****

Days passed and everything fell back into the normal rhythm of things. Jack recovered fully with no side effects and they were all thankful for that. Dean's PTSD eased and he and Sam started to hunt again. They had been on one such mission that day, a simple vampire nest that Jodie had helped with. Driving back, Dean decided to broach a topic which had been plaguing him since that kiss with Cas.

"Sammy," Dean whispered as he stared into the midnight darkness of the highway.

"Yeah?" His brother replied as he lent against the window trying to get some shut-eye.

"... You know when we got back from the Otherworld..."

"Yeah?"

Dean cringed, not knowing how to word it.

"Dean, what is it?"

"You asked about feelings...you know me and ..." Dean ran his hand over his face, damn it why was this so hard?

"Cas? You and Cas...yeah what about it?"

Sam was intrigued but stayed silent against the glass. Anything could spook his brother who was clearly nervous.

"Would it bother you?" Dean glanced at Sam and it was so quick Sam almost missed it. "If I was...if ... we..."

Sam smiled inside at the physical pain this seemed to be causing Dean. Wow, this almost never happened, his brother uncomfortable and unsure. "If you got together you mean?" Sam clarified keeping his face relaxed.

Dean gave a tight almost imperceptible nod.

"No. It'd be nice." Sam put it out there like a candle in the night. This could backfire and he knew it but it was worth the risk.

"N-nice?" Dean sputtered as his hands set in a death grip on the steering wheel. 

Sam nodded. "Yeah, it'd be nice to see you happy that's all. You're always happy when Cas is here...so ...yeah, nice."

Dean smiled, one of those lopsided 'I'm trying not to smile' smiles.

"Yeah...I just wanted to check. You know..." Dean said clearing his throat. 

Sam smiled as Dean went back to driving in silence and fell asleep with it playing on his lips.

The conversation they'd had in the Impala seemed to come of nothing. It was two days later was when Sam noticed the change in his brother. 

Cas and Dean were sharing the couch in the lounge. It was unusual, normally Dean would hog it and Cas sat on the chair. It was different but not enough to make him look twice. Sam sat on his chair to the right and picked up a book. Cas and Dean watched some medical show, that one they'd been stuck in that time and everything was just, normal. Dean was at one end, Cas at the other and for twenty minutes they relaxed as Dean explained the show to Cas.

Then out of nowhere Dean turned to Cas and said. "You can move closer you know, I don't bite."

Cas' eyes went wide, "Ah...okay Dean," and he shuffled closer to the hunter, then relaxed back into the sofa cushions.

"No..." Dean groaned, exasperated. Cas frowned, unsure of what he'd done wrong. Sam watched over the lip of his book with avid fascination, terrified to say or do anything. Was this actually happening?

"...How am I supposed to explain it with you so far away? Sam will moan any minute about the talking interrupting his nerd time..." Dean scooted next to the angel. They were shoulder to shoulder and Cas became rigid. “That's better,” Dean said as he reclined back.

"Dean..." Cas started leaning forward, "Don't you want your personal space?"

Dean turned, glanced at Cas and smiled as he shuffled to get comfy in the cushions.

"Do you?" 

Cas glanced at Sam, unsure of what the correct answer was.

Dean huffed, "It's not a big deal Cas. Just relax." He tapped the gap for him to recline into the space.

Cas' eyes darted from Sam to Dean but Dean was watching the TV waiting for Cas to make the next move. Dean draped his arm over the back of the couch and the one closest to Cas rested on his knee. He crossed his ankle over it becoming more settled.

Sam met Cas' eyes and he shrugged not knowing what to do either. Cas frowned at the taller brother, Sam winked and then nodded. The angel nodded in response and then relaxed next to Dean. It felt so good being this close, like two magnets that had to touch. Which is what Dean did moments later when he felt the tension ebb from Cas.

Sam's eyes grew to the size of saucers as the next minutes unfolded.

Dean closed the gap between him and Cas to nothing, his black t-shirt pressing against the Angels' coat.

"Cas, you know you don't have to wear your coat inside..." Dean commented his eyes fixed on the TV.

Cas glanced at Sam again and he nodded so the angel leaned forward and removed the trench, draping it over the arm of the couch.

"Cool. Better." Dean added and then closed the gap again. Sam's jaw dropped as he watched his brother drape his head onto Cas shoulder. Dean made it look like it was the most normal thing in the world. Cas flinched and his expression screamed 'deer in headlights'.

Sam could only stare uselessly as Cas made eye contact with him over Dean's head.

The look said it all, 'What the hell do I do?' There was silence with the exception of the TV and Dean's occasional laughter.

"Oh, I like this one." Dean commented, "Dr Sexy operates on a supermodel, it's hilarious."

Cas nodded but had no words. Sam watched them over his book, frozen.

Ten minutes passed like that. Dean ignored the elephant in the room, while Cas and Sam shared confused glances.

"You guys need to stop." Dean interrupted a few minutes later.

"What? Stop what?" Sam said startled.

Dean didn't look at either of them, just spoke.

"Looking at each other like that." The tone was dead-pan, no humour at all.

"Like what? I'm not looking at anyone. Cas?"

Cas shook his head, "No...I'm watching Dr Sexy, Dean."

Dean smiled; it was fleeting as he tried to remain serious. He enjoyed the feel of Cas shoulder under his cheek and really didn't want to move.

"So we're all good?"

There was silence as Cas built up his courage, "Err, Dean...Just one question?"

"Yes, Cas," Dean answered watching the TV like it was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen. This question could make or break the situation and they all knew it.

"Does this mean...I mean... I don't understand..." Cas grimaced as he kept himself from moving. Any move would bring his face closer to Dean's head and he was terrified to do the wrong thing. This was all he’d ever wanted and he could feel Dean’s happiness, he really didn't want to break it.

Dean feigned exasperation, "Well I kissed you and now we're hanging out on the couch watching the most awesome TV show ever made..." Dean glanced up at him and smiled, "...does that help?"

Cas' jaw fell. They hadn't spoken about that kiss since it happened. He glanced at Sam who had dropped all pretence of reading at this stage and was gawking, with his jaw on the carpet.

"You kissed him?" Sam exclaimed unable to keep it inside.

Dean shrugged and glanced at Sam. "Yeah... Problem?"

Sam tried to find something to say but the only thing that he came up with was, "No. No problem." Then he raised his book to hide the shocked expression.

"Good, now that's settled can I watch my show please?"

"Uh huh," Sam replied still regrouping.

Dean snuggled into Cas' shoulder and whispered, "You can relax. I'm okay. It's okay."

Cas looked down to meet Deans gaze and felt a hand on his. Dean laughed at the shock filling his face. "Are you okay?" He whispered and Cas nodded. "Good," and Dean snuggled back into his shoulder chuckling at something the TV was saying.

Cas didn't know what the future held but one thing was certain; nothing was ever going to be the same again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading
> 
> This story links in with - Raised & Blood of an Angel. 'Locked in' has similar themes and fits in well but isn't perfectly aligned.
> 
> Feel free to check out my Tumblr or follow me on twitter. 
> 
> https://twitter.com/RedShenanigans  
> https://redheadshenanigans.tumblr.com


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